Musings of a High-Level Executive Assistant

Office Productivity - Effective Loitering & Dropping In

2012-01-26T22:10:00.000-08:00

Whether you are an executive assistant or anyone needing face time with your boss or colleague, effective loitering and drop ins, also known as drive bys, are tactics you should employ. It means standing around and waiting while they finish up their conversation so you can swoop in unscheduled before the next meeting starts. Here are 10 tips I hope you find handy.

1) Stay within eye sight, but not within listening distance.
You want them to see you waiting, but give them enough privacy so they can talk in peace. You want to stay within eye shot so they don't think they have more time to talk because you are no longer waiting around.

2) Mouth patient messages.
While waiting, you can mouth "no rush" or "take your time" so they don't feel pressured. If the wait is too long for you, you can also always leave with a friendly good bye wave, the "I'll call you" hand gesture or again mouthing "I'll come back" or "catch you later." Remember to smile and look friendly when you do this!

3) Tell those around you that you are loitering.
Whenever you are loitering outside anyone's office, the people sitting near by may give you questionable looks. It's best to explain you are loitering so they don't think you're standing there spying on them or wonder why you've been in the same spot for 10 minutes. It also helps executive assistants know you're only hoping to get in unscheduled and if you don't it's okay.

4) Ask for good drop in times.
If you're trying to see someone who has an executive assistant, it's good to ask for ball park times on when a drop in might be good. This way you have 3-5 times you can try throughout the day to catch the person between meetings. If you're really close with the assistant, you can get extra information like when is NOT a good time or to be helpful you can remind the person you're seeing, "I know Jason from Accounting will be here soon."

5) Don't react to their convo.
When you are waiting your turn, don't react to anything you see or hear as you are supposed to be invisible to them. This goes along with the no listening in rule. If you don't give them their privacy, they are more inclined to walk to a different space or shut the door on you thus cocooning them from the outside world and the chance for you to get in there quicker.

6) Preface your question with permission.
As soon as it's your turn, ask "Do you have 30 secs?" or however much time you need. Always offer to come back at a better time. If they are finishing up an email, state you can wait until they are done. Do not start talking while they are clearly finishing up something else. If it seems they need an extra 2-3 minutes before they are done with that email, state you'll go use the restroom or grab a water so they don't feel bad or pressured.

7 ) Suggest a walk and talk.
When really pressed for time, offer the person a walk and talk. This way they really know it will be a short convo and they won't be late and can kill two birds with one stone. Walk someone back to their office, their car, their next meeting, the kitchen, but not the restroom.

8) Bring stuff while you wait.
Since you may end up waiting 10 or 15 minutes, bring something to do. Organize your thoughts. Check your Blackberry for messages. Brainstorm for your next meeting while you wait. Write out your to do list for the day. You might as well be productive while you wait. You do not want to stare at them like a hawk while you are waiting or look bored.

9) Loitering and drive bys are meant for 30 sec - 5 min convos max.
Usually if it takes any longer than that, you should schedule 15 minutes on someone's calendar. You really just need a yes or no answer, clarification, or direction instead of having long, drawn out, thought-provoking pow wow sessions.

10) Don't take offense.
Sometimes your boss will have to run off to a meeting to take a call in the middle of your drop in time. Don't take it personally and state you understand the new competing request is a higher priority. Don't say anything to make them feel bad or that you are less important.

Rejection

2011-11-27T21:48:00.001-08:00

Throughout my career I’ve been on both sided of the rejection table. It’s not fun on either side. The worst is when no feedback can be given or when it can be given the information is so very unhelpful and out of your control, the only saving grace is that you did try your best. I wanted to dedicate a post on proper rejection etiquette when you are the one having to tell bad news to someone.

You’ll find that in your career you’ll have to hire people, a vendor, or ask people to carve out time of their busy lives to create a bid, proposal, or do research for you. And in doing your due diligence, you’ll have to reach out to a minimum of 3 people or businesses if not more. However, you can only pick one in the end.

Although you can’t offer everyone a job or the contract, what you can do is handle the rejection process with a little dignity and humanity. Here are my suggestions that I hope you will find helpful.

1. Do not ignore their emails or calls when they follow up asking about status or the final outcome.

Even if you don’t have an answer yet, tell them that. Encourage them to keep in touch and to ping you every week or give them a time frame of when you may know.

2. When you do know, tell them instead of leaving them in the dark.

It’s only fair that if you’ve put someone through a lengthy interview process, bidding process, or asked them to take your call or meet with you, you tell them what happened. You don’t have to tell them the entire truth, but you should say something to provide closure.

3. Call them, send an email, and speak with them in person.

Call them to try explain very briefly what the final outcome was, to thank them, and to encourage them to keep in touch or that you will also keep them in mind for the future. If they are not there, do not leave a voicemail, email them saying you tried them and then call them again and speak to them on the phone.

4. Warn them of the bad news.

You can preface your email or conversation with, “I wish the news was better.” And give just enough of an explanation on why they couldn’t be picked, but not so much that it would be bad form.

5. When you can afford it, send a thank you gift.

If you or your company can afford a thank you gift for vendors that didn’t land the contract, send a reasonable thank you gift as a gesture of appreciation for working with your deadlines and being so attentive. This can be for the last two or three vendors that gave you the tasting session, walk thru, and met with you 2-3 times or took your calls in the middle of the night.

Overall, you want to own up that you feel terrible that you couldn’t choose them and realize they worked really hard to land the job, account, or deal. You want to honor their efforts and leave the door open for future collaboration and possibility.

Answering Reader Mail: What questions should I ask an interviewer when applying for an Executive Assistant position?

2011-09-09T23:09:00.000-07:00

"I'm an avid reader. Your blog is fabulous! I hope more posts are on the way!

What questions should I ask an interviewer when applying for an Executive Assistant position? I do come prepared with questions. However, sometimes during an interview, the interviewer answers all of my questions during the conversation without me even asking. Then at the end of the interview, I'm stumped on what else to ask regarding the Executive Assistant position or their company. I feel as though if I don't ask, I'm not showing interest!"

Dear T,

Thank you for being an avid reader and for submitting a question! :) I hope my blogs have been helpful to you! Please also feel free to ask more questions and suggest topics. If you are on Twitter, I would love to follow you there as well!

The easy way to answer this question is to have you Google interview questions online. You can find a trove of them.

However, one of the best ways to approach forming questions is to ask yourself, "Is this the best fit for me?" Does the role align with your career goals, work/life balance needs, and your values? Not all roles are created equal and it's your job to approach each opportunity to vet them yourself. Your goal is to find out as much information as possible so there are few surprises and to have a sense of what the role is before you take it. Some good questions to ask might be:

-What is the breakdown of the role? Is it 50% event planning, 10% personal assistant work, and 40% executive assistant/admin work?

-Is this a position that I can receive more responsibilities after a year or two or get promoted within the department?

-With my background, what are some challenges I might face?

When you start brainstorming, you can also ask questions to help showcase your talents and skills better too. On the other hand, you can also lead into talking about projects or programs you may want to learn more about and get more experience with. An approach I use is to ask the question and then explain why I asked it. This way it becomes a dialogue instead of just and Q and A session. Here are two examples.

-Is the executive tech savvy? How tech savvy is the executive?
(They answer.)
The reason why I ask is because I’ve worked for a couple of older executives who were not as tech savvy. Some didn’t know how to type, some liked to write out their speeches by hand which I had to type, etc. So I’m open to “handholding” and understand how each executive works differently.

-Will I be using Excel a lot?
(They answer.)
The reason why I ask is because I am proficient in Word and Powerpoint, but I have the most experience with Excel and really enjoy doing spreadsheets and formulas.

-Are there any industry-specific programs I will need to learn?
(They answer.)
I’m always very eager to learn a new skill or become an expert in the programs I already know.

Finally, ask peripheral questions that are nonetheless important - about training, culture, and challenges with adapting. Since you should be taking notes during an interview, any new information you learn, you can ask questions for clarification or a more in-depth answer.

One type of question you may have overlooked are the “closer” questions.

-What is your hiring timeline?
-What are the next steps?
-May I have your business card before I go?

When I interview, I have a set of 15-20 questions ready, knowing I won’t get to them all or some of them may be answered along the way. I always bring a copy of the actual job description with me. I highlight certain things I didn’t understand or compare it to what they are telling me versus what HR wrote up. I bring notes of research I did on the company from wikipedia, current news, and visiting their website. I look for upcoming projects, their senior management org chart, industry news, and I research what sort of company culture they have. On average, it takes me about 2 hours to prepare for an interview.

Always remember to end the interview on a positive note by asking why they enjoy working at the company and to send a thank you card!

T, I hope this helps and thank you for being a loyal reader! :)

Your Emotions Hold You Back

2011-09-02T00:54:00.001-07:00

It’s always interesting how standing on the outside of a situation gives a vastly different perspective than to be inside or within that given situation. Upon reading and reflection, the defining element is one’s emotional investment or lack thereof to said scenario.

Even in life or death situations, people hold back from doing the right or best thing because an emotion - guilt, pride, sorrow, embarrassment, anger - is holding them back. If you’ve read Malcolm Gladwell’s book where he talks about the pilot communication problem and the resulting crashes, you will know what I mean. Whenever you are confronted with a problem and have to act or change something, when you are not eager to jump in, there’s an emotional barrier you have to overcome.

At first, you may not know what it is. There is just an uncomfortable, nagging feeling that something isn’t quite right. And as you talk to your friends, whatever advice or suggestion they give, you shoot it down. Logically all their solutions make perfect sense and will, in fact, solve your problem. However, what you need isn’t a solution - it’s an emotional breakthrough to come to terms with whatever thought, feeling, or misperception you carry about the problem you have.

Until you can be okay with where you are, you won’t be okay with getting to where you need to be. You will allow excuses and laziness to justify not doing anything because you are hoping the problem will magically go away or with enough denial, perhaps you’ll learn to deal with it.

Often, facing the world and seeing reality for what it is, is really difficult. It’s great to walk the line of optimism, hope, and perhaps things changing in a split second, if you are patient just a little bit longer. You wonder if you misunderstood or could have said or done the wrong thing to contribute to the problem.

Life is short. Every day you live that you aren’t actively pursuing your goals or happiness, is another day wasted. Waiting for the right time or person becomes just that - a waiting game.
So whatever it is that you are mulling about, figure out what it is you really want, then figure out how to get there in the smartest, shortest time possible. Life is already hard enough, and will throw challenges your way, so you will already lose time, energy, and money. Waiting only doubles that deficit.

I was taught at a young age to carpe diem. L, I hope you will too. Although it may sound selfish to put yourself first, if you aren’t happy and cared for, you can’t contribute to those around you - be it at work, at home, or in the community. Sometimes, solving other people’s problems should not be your concerns or your burdens to bear. It doesn’t make you a bad person to want a life of your own. I sense that you are trying to grasp that concept and I know it isn’t easy. Everyone has a choice and at times they are all hard, difficult, lesser of the two evil “choices.” However, they are choices that do, in fact, exist. What will you choose, when, and more importantly, for what reasons? And if you don’t look out yourself, who will? This is my way, through invisible, magical osmosis... I am thinking of you. :)

Be Your Boss For a Day

2011-09-01T23:08:00.000-07:00

One of the best ways to become a better assistant is to be your boss for a day. What I mean by this is hire someone to take care of a task for you or be your assistant for a day with anything you need help with. It’s not until you are paying someone money, to help make your life easier, do you realize the challenges of finding someone good, eager. You will learn how time-consuming and difficult it is to train them or communicate to them how you want a task done to your liking and specifications. You essentially want a mini-you. If only there could be two of you! Something that seems so simple and obvious to you, second nature even, will be hard to translate to someone else.

Remember in grade school when you got that assignment to write directions or an essay explaining how to do something step by step, like making a sandwich or whatever you chose? You had to start by saying, “First, open the bag of bread. Second, pull out two slices, not that yucky first end piece, then cut off the crusts. Third, don't forget to close the bread bag or the bread gets stale. Then, get the peanut butter and jelly jars....” You had to explain every little detail as if you were instructing a 5 year old so it taught you to be mindful of sequential order and specifics. Be your boss for a day is the grown up version of that.

What do I have in mind? Hire someone to do any of the following:

Wash, dry, fold and put away your laundry
Clean your room or apartment
Run to the store for you to grocery shop
Help you find a restaurant
Wash your car

The amount of critical thinking, judging what’s important/not, and understanding that people are not mind readers will blow your mind away. Your expectations and what you envision will be vastly different from what is delivered, and not because they are dumb or didn’t pay attention or anything else. It’s more, without specific instruction and constantly changing variables, everyone’s idea of X is different.

For example, let’s take something as basic as getting help finding a restaurant. This is what typically happens.

You ask someone to help you find a restaurant for a birthday celebration and you say something along the lines of something special, but not too expensive and nearby. When your assistant for the day goes off and does some research and comes back with 3 options, you will probably negate them for the following reasons:

-You don’t like X cuisine they chose.
-It’s either too casual or too inexpensive.
-You’ve already been there so it’s not special enough.
-You hate that restaurant.
-The place is too loud or too trendy.
-Parking is difficult or $20 for valet.
-You’ve never heard of the place or it doesn’t have a good reputation.
-The place is closed on Mondays or X day.
-They don’t have a great dessert menu and you can’t bring your own cake.
-You know X goes there a lot and don’t want to run into them.

As someone’s boss, you have to walk the fine line of not coming across as being scatter brained, picky, or indecisive. You have to provide the right amount of encouragement, praise, and feedback so your assistant has high morale and gets what you need in as little as time as possible. You have to be aware how long certain tasks take although to you it seems rather simple.

Practicing this exercise will make you a better assistant, but it will also make you a better boss to your interns, 2nd assistants, and other colleagues. People make the best decision they could at the time with the information they had THEN. However, life is constantly changing and what you know now, most often, wasn’t knowable earlier.

The Realities of Job Hunting As A High Level Executive Assistant

2011-07-13T15:52:00.000-07:00

If you are an admin assistant who loves your career, you probably envision yourself becoming an assistant to a VP, Director and hopefully a President, CEO, CFO, or Chairman at some point in your career. Perhaps you are already a 2nd or 3rd assistant to someone high profile and you want to run the office of your executive as you get promoted through the years. Here are some tips as your career progresses that will affect how you job hunt.

1. The lower-level admin you are the more jobs there are.

When you first graduate college or switch careers to be an admin assistant you'll find a lot of admin roles out there. Whether you are a department assistant or work for a smaller company, you will be able to find a job more easily. Once you are a high-level assistant there are really only 3-5 people you can work for at any given company because you are overqualified for anything else. Those jobs support the President, CEO, CTO, CFO, and Chairman. However, at some companies, the CEO and Chairman are the same person.

2. Your job hunt will take a lot longer.

The higher up you go on the ladder of admin roles, the longer your job hunt will take. Although your title is Executive Assistant, in reality, your job hunt will reflect that of an executive in years of experience, salary, and specialty. As as Fortune 500 C-Level Executive Assistant, you will find that your job search will probably take a minimum of 6 months. It may be longer if you are picky about your commute, field, direct boss, and if you are willing to relocate or not. It comes down to an issue of timing and a numbers game.

3. Don't get sidetracked from your life and career goals.

As you become more established and learn to network well and brand yourself through social media, you'll find that headhunters and recruiters will call you in hopes of poaching you. Even if you aren't that aggressive in marketing yourself while you have a job, it's likely that previous companies that interviewed you or HR people that you knew will remember you and keep you in their database. They will revisit their files and notes and reach out to you as jobs become available. Your former colleagues will also think of you. You'll find yourself getting calls and emails a couple of times a year if not once a month. While their offers can be enticing, make sure it aligns with your life and career goals. Think of the big picture of the life and career you want and stick with it. Penelope Trunk says the sign of a great career is having great opportunities, and saying no. Don't get sidetracked by working for that Fortune 100 company, the huge pay raise for a company whose product you don't believe in, or moving to a part of the country where you can't stand the weather.

4. Job hunt with focus.

As you are job hunting, think hard about if you want to temp, freelance, do contract work, temp-to-hire, or direct hire roles only and under which circumstance. You will find yourself having to juggle an interview schedule and working to continue networking or to not get bored. Between averaging 5-9 calls a week, doing 30 min -1 hour phone screeners, commuting 2-3 hours roundtrip to interviews all over the city, and getting requests to work for 2-3 weeks at a time or when someone goes on maternity leave, you will have to prioritize your time amidst competing requests. You'll have to debate which is more important - earning and saving money, interviewing, fun creative work and challenging projects, networking, taking time off to regroup, taking a vacation, focusing on family life, or other goals you have for yourself. In this economy, because jobs are scarce, you will have to know by what date you hope to have a job and plan for it wisely.

5. Make a decision.

At some point, you have to call the job hunt quits and make a decision. There will always be that one last call that comes in that will start an entire interview process all over again with a new company. Or you may tell yourself if you just waited until the new fiscal year, after the holidays, or some other meaningful event when more companies would be hiring, you might land your dream job then. While it's good to wait for the right role instead of taking the first job offered to you, it's not worth blowing through your emergency savings or racking up credit card debt for the perfect job.

6. Take really good notes and save them.

As you interview it goes without saying that you should be taking notes in the interview. This comes in handy for three reasons. 1) As you interview around town and get passed over for opportunities, you'll find that after a month or two, the recruiter will call you back to see if you are still interested because the first candidate was not a fit. When recruiters have to hire someone ASAP little things get overlooked - such as the person doesn't know how to use a MAC. Or they were great, but not a right personality match for their boss. 2) Sometimes hiring timelines are 2-3 months long when companies have the luxury of taking as long as they need to fill a role. When you take notes and get the 2nd follow up call a month later, you can refer to those notes to freshen up and still see if you are interested in working there among the current companies you are talking to. 3) Because the entertainment industry or any field is really quite small, in 3-5 years when you are interested in learning more or getting promoted, you can refer to your notes from previous interviews about your HR contact, who else you know that works there, the corporate culture, annual review feedback process, work/life balance, pay range, benefits package, or any other information.

7. Be prepared to have 5-10 meetings for one job.

When you are a high level executive assistant, you will be asked to meet with many different colleagues and HR people. It is not uncommon for you to also meet with some of the people you met with already for a 2nd time. You may do a 30 min phone interview with 3 different HR folks and then will be asked to meet with at least one of them before meeting an array of assistants, senior level management, and your actual boss. And because executives are constantly traveling for weeks at a time, it may take a month or three just to finally meet everyone. This is part of the reason why your job hunt will take so long.

8. Have a large stock of thank you cards, stamps, and pre-printed address labels at all times.

Since you are meeting with so many people, you'll go through a box of thank you cards in no time. And if you come to know the name of the receptionist, security guard or anyone else who helps your job interview process send them a thank you card too. Sometimes, they will indirectly have a say about you as a candidate. It might be a subtle comment after you leave on how nice you were. You can buy inexpensive yet great thank you cards at anywhere from Target to TJ Maxx.

9. Be honest.

Often, you will be asked where you are in your job hunt, how close you are to getting a job offer, and where else or what other roles you are interviewing for. They are asking to gauge the situation and how much time they have to consider you as a front runner. It is wise to be honest, overall, but also be realistic and avoid going into specific details since things always change. Everyone is busy. Just because you have a business trip coming up or other pressing issues or diverging interests, it is highly unlikely they will re-route their travel or business schedule to accommodate your life. If companies really like you, even if you take another job offer, they will always be open to considering you again.

10. Be open.

Although it's great to know who you are and what you are looking for, be open to possibilities. Instead of saying no to an opportunity or believing you know something, ask for more information and details. When you say no, all communication stops. If you say you're willing to negotiate for the right role, at least talks can continue. You can say no at any point of the interviewing and hiring process, but there is only one time to say yes, at that's at the very beginning.

10 Tests Administered During Job Interviews

2011-07-11T02:47:00.000-07:00

In my career, it's not often that one is tested during a screening process or for a job interview. However, I have noticed a lot of private companies or companies that value exceptional talent and have a great interview process do test their applicants. Surprisingly, it has only happened to me a handful of times, but I think it's worth mentioning. It may become a stronger trend to narrow down qualified applicants. I'm shocked more companies aren't doing this in general. Here are the 10 types of tests I've encountered during my job hunts. The first five are pretty common, the last five are rather new.

1) Typing

This test is fairly typical for most admin roles. You are seated in a room at a computer and either have one minute or 3 minutes to type. This test is to gauge how fast you type and how accurately you type. You are given the text and you type it as well as you can. It's pretty self explanatory as there are fool proof instructions given before the test starts.

2) Word

This test is usually multiple choice on a computer as well. There are thirty questions that go from easy to hard. It's given to understand how well you know how to use Word. It starts off with a question of opening a document, saving it, printing it, and editing text, enlarging text to doing mail merge, making labels, and inserting a graph. Sometimes, just by the way the question is worded you can figure out which menu to look under to find the answer even if you don't know.

3) Excel

This test is also given on the computer as well. It tests how well you know how to use Excel. There are usually 30 questions. It will ask you to open a document, write a formula, highlight certain columns, how to insert a row, and other tasks.

4) Powerpoint

This test is also given on the computer as well. It will test how well you know how to use Powerpoint. It will ask you 30 questions ranging from starting a presentation, adding a slide, moving the slides around, inserting an image, etc.

5) Behavorial Role Play

Aside from asking behavior questions to gauge how you would act in certain situations relating to office politics, getting along with difficult co-workers, or how to solve problems, I've interviewed at places where I had to role play certain situations. The hiring manager would give me a hypothetical scenario that would be the worst possible incident at work to solve. Then, I would verbalize to the hiring manager as if they were the client/board member/etc on what I would say. The hiring manager would respond with difficult, unfriendly comments to see how I would handle the situation. We went through a handful of different situations and discussed in detail how I would respond, why, and what I would do next. Incidents ranged from a co-worker who was not pulling their weight, a vendor dropping the ball, miscommunications or misunderstandings regarding tasks.

6) Listening

This test was administered on a computer. There were 30 questions that were multiple choice. It was a male voice with an American accent speaking anywhere from a couple sentences to many sentences about a given scenario. Once he stopped speaking, a question would pop up and you had to choose the correct answer. The difficulty of this test was there was so much information to listen to and keep track because you didn't know what the question would be asking you once the voice stopped. There were so many details to remember because the question would gauge how well you take in information, remember it, and then test you on reasoning, inference, deduction, and what to do next. Some of the questions involved basic math and inferring deadlines based on given information. Other questions were about information that was implied but not stated explicitly. Situations related to dress code, how/what to tell customers, phone messages, seniority, office politics, and other typical situations.

7) English Language Usage and Grammar

This test is also administered on the computer in a multiple choice fashion. There were 30 questions and it tested for writing, grammar, comprehension, and the English language. Typical questions were related to definitions, correct sentence structure, and writing styles related to memos, being concise, and non-sexist language. A couple of examples were the difference between disinterested vs uninterested, between you and me or between you and I, define sexism, and find the sentence that is an example of sexist language.

8) LSAT Logic Games

This test is usually administered in writing so you can graph out the correct answer. I've heard of it being administered verbally, as well in front of a group panel without any option of pencil or paper, or on a computer multiple choice style. There are anywhere from a couple of questions to 20 or 30 and you are given anywhere from 30 min to 2 hours to finish the test. Google "LSAT Logic Games" online to get an idea of what these Logic Games are. They are very convoluted, detailed, and intricate games that test your logic, reasoning, deduction, inference, and your stamina/patience. ;) For anyone that knows anything about the LSAT, the logic games are the hardest part of the test and the hardest part to prepare for because there are a few different types of games and strategies to master them. When I took them, I took the paper form where I was given extra blank paper to work out the problems and had to turn in my work.

9) Writing Memos

This test is usually administered on the computer. You are asked to write one or two sample memos with on a given topic, details of information, and the tone of what the memo should be including the various recipients who will be cc'd, etc. Another variation of this test is to write a sample email or letter to a client or vendor. These types of tests look for grammar, sentence structure, proper formatting, tone, and how you structure your writing including what you leave out, how long your writing sample is, and how long you take.

10) Event Planning

This test is usually administered on the computer in a Word document. You are asked to plan an event from scratch. You are only given your budget, who is attending, and why, the rest of the details are up to you. You are to outline a breakdown of your budget, pitch your event, and also write a memo/email inviting everyone. You are tested for writing, creativity, decision-making, and a whole host of parameters based on whatever it is you come up with.

What other types of tests have you come across? And how often were you told up front the type of test you will be given or were allowed to study for it? Do you have any tips?

Answering Reader Mail: How Do I Navigate Terrible Co-Workers Trying To Undermine Me?

2011-06-22T10:45:00.000-07:00

"In the past I worked with someone trying to undermine my work and efforts. At first I thought they were trying to be helpful, but overtime it became very clear their intentions were not sincere. When one FIRST enters a new role, how do you stay positive, eager to learn, and NOT even allow this to become an initial issue?"

Sorry to hear about the difficult work situation. I hear about it all too often. Nonetheless, it is NOT fun when it is happening and very disappointing. It seems so unfair. Your question on how to stay positive, eager, and not allow this to be an initial issue is a good question. It seems you have enough self awareness and perhaps already read books about professional growth, etc. While it is in your power to stay positive and eager, I'm not sure how much control you have over it not ever happening again or it not becoming an initial issue. It really is disheartening to be put into situations as such and the only remedy is to learn how to control your reactions, thoughts, behaviors so your productivity, peace of mind, and sanity are not jeopardized. At the heart of it, you can't control other people. You can perhaps engage less with them and learn to understand why they act the way they do (on your own through reading, without consulting them). Their efforts to undermine you could be for a variety of reasons - boredom, they feel threatened, you're their scapegoat, low self esteem, insecurity, gunning for a promotion, inter office politics, a pay raise at stake, etc. My advice to you is to keep your head down, do your work well, be nice to everyone while observing who can help you fulfill your goals at work, get to know your boss really well, get to know your boss' boss really well. It's good to get to know people at work, but they don't have to be your best friends there or outside of work. Also take the time to nurture those below you and help them out. One thing I would caution you against doing is getting other people involved. Although the situations are counterproductive to a great work environment and don't make a lot of business sense, unfortunately, being a mean person at work is not illegal. It's true that terrible people get to keep their jobs because someone higher up likes them. Most people would rather work with someone semi competent that they like than someone stellar that they like less. I think this is an issue we all come across and it's a long learning process. Understanding human behavior, forgiveness, and concentrating on your life goals are the foundation to getting through tough times and scenarios. The better you become at reading people, understanding what makes them tick, how to give them what they want (attention, praise, validation, results, commiseration), and to navigate the business world gracefully, the easier it becomes. I would suggest reading books by Keith Ferrazzi, Covey, and Robert Sutton. I'm glad you have such an open mind and are eager to learn. That's a great first step! Keep me posted on everything and hopefully I can help.

This Journey We Call Life...

2011-06-15T00:49:00.000-07:00

(This piece was actually written in mid-May when I decided to buckle down. I’ve also updated it at the end.)

I realize the last time I posted was 6 months ago. Since then, I’ve been regrouping. I’ve been enjoying the process, maybe too much, that I decided I should probably blog again. If you haven’t noticed yet, I alternate each posting between a professional and personal topic. Today’s is about this journey we call life...

I’ve been a lot more introspective as of late. A couple of friends have both moved away and moved on to bigger and better things in adulthood. One lost a family member. I’ve run into people from my past. Babies were born. Someone had a really, really bad day. There has been a lot of worldwide natural disasters and news. And I’ve met some new wonderful people too. In the last few weeks, every conceivable human life experience has touched my friends’ lives or mine. It has made me ask myself - am I spending my time wisely? Am I grateful enough? What do I REALLY, REALLY want out of life?

I have yet to re-answer those questions. Right now, I’m trying to find the time to apply critical thinking skills to evaluate the master plan for my life. I will go into goal-setting mode in the next few weeks as well. As I carve out “me-time,” it strikes me how odd and flummoxed I am with how to fill 40 hours. Although I’m very much a “do-er,” sometimes my doing is too automatic that I’m on this treadmill of short-term productivity without long-term progress.

Next week, some vague goals I have are to meditate every day, to work out a couple of times, to meet with various people, and to find time to ponder and reflect how I want the rest of this year to look. I can’t believe it’s already ½ over. Perhaps I will go so far to structure one year and 5 year plans. Right now, I’m just brainstorming how to wisely spend next week. I’m already seeing it’s a lot of work, but it will make things so much easier in the long run.

To help, I’ve been watching or reading the following. Lately, this is what has captured my interest:

-Soul Surfer, the book and movie
-True You, Janet Jackson’s new book
-Penelope Trunks’ self published book
-The How of Happiness book
-I Am documentary

6/16/2011 Update

I recall looking forward to a week or two of deep self-reflection and planning for the future. I wanted to get through a lot of what if, what next, and strategy so I wouldn’t have to think about it again for another 6 months.

As I was thinking about how to best use the week, an odd thing happened. I had actually cleared my entire schedule for this self-imposed sabbatical and instead, I got flooded with meetings and projects. By the end of it, I was exhausted. I almost wonder if in “letting go" or letting things "be" things began to change.

I was able to tackle some of the books listed above. I certainly got a lot done, even though it wasn’t stuff exactly on my list. I did exercise a couple of times too. I’m somewhat in the same place where I still have to think hard about the next 6 months. I think blogging again is a good start. It forces me to think, to be concise, to be focused. I also took a mini vacation. I’ve implemented some actions that will hopefully pay off in the long run. I'm going to give it about a month to track initial progress. If all the steps from the past couple of weeks don’t lead anywhere at that time, I will definitely have to go back to the drawing board. This time I'll have to make sure to come back with some nice blueprints for life. ;) If you have any suggestions, let me know.

Interview Attire Dilemmas (Again)

2011-06-14T10:34:00.000-07:00

A long time ago I blogged about what to wear since I was interviewing for non-corporate roles or companies. As of late, I’ve been headhunted a lot and am running across the same dilemma. All my interviews are at companies that either never existed until recently, aren’t traditional companies, or are cutting-edge leaders that are forging new paths they don’t “obey the rules,” and thus, corporate culture is highly specific to that industry. What throws me off more is when I interview for senior management at a very atypical company. Do I dress as the “gets stuff done” EA or cater to the company ideal of “we’re different because we start trends, we don’t follow them”? Decisions, decisions, decisions!

As you may know, my standard interview outfit for being a CEO’s assistant is an all black suit with pointy heels in black. Since all of my jobs have been pretty corporate and I dress fairly conservative at work anyway, this has worked well for me - until a few things made me start to think...

Because I’ve been meeting with all these companies, I started to notice differences I never had exposure to, coming from mostly a corporate, Fortune 500, all business all the time background. The companies I met with were legitimate, successful, and reputable, but they became that way for not following whatever was mainstream. And how they differed was evident from the first point of contact. The communication was breezy, very casual, peppered with slang, as if we had known each other for years. The meetings were in coffee houses or over meals. They didn’t want to see my resume. They just wanted to sit and chat. Through the grapevine I heard I was complimented for being cute because of my large dimples. I was advised not to wear the suit. It was also suggested to not have my hair up in a clip. I was advised to wear something very trendy and specifically a dress. Because fitting in with a company’s corporate culture is imperative, that also comes across in the way one dresses.

I had difficulty coming across young, hip, and trendy, without it becoming too cute, too green, and not business enough. And how does one wear a dress to an interview without it becoming too feminine and alluring? I finally settled on a speckled black, grey, and white long turtleneck sweater dress that came down to mid-calf, with long sleeves, a wide silver and black belt to give the dress an empire waist, and low red heels. I also wore an oversized ring on each hand to accessorize a bit.

When one is only 5ft tall and petite, it’s sometimes hard to be taken seriously. I’ve had colleagues see me out in LA and not recognize me at all in casual clothes, or mistake me for a junior high kid in jeans and a shirt. In the past, I would have rather erred on the side of being taken too seriously in a corporate suit rather than too lax in something a bit more casual. However, knowing that most people would rather work for someone they like that they have things in common with that is a pretty good employee versus someone stellar and they like less, I should probably tone down the corporate attire and let my resume (hopefully) speak for itself...

Have you had similar dilemmas? And what are your suggestions for dressing for various types of companies - technology, advertising, architecture, music, and other industries that are not typcial business, law, real estate, or finance companies? And do you wear different types of outfits for the head of HR, the assistant, and the CEO or other executives that you interview with? What have you found that works or doesn’t work?

3 More Tools for Self-Branding and Job Hunting

2011-06-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been poking around online trying to see what else is out there for self-branding and job hunting. I enjoy doing this and it helps when I volunteer or make suggestions to those I'm mentoring or friends who ask me questions. I'm by no means an expert in social media at all. But amongst my circle of friends and colleagues, since I love learning they usually figure I've read something about it or maybe came across it.

Here are 3 more tools you may want to check out.

1) Tweet My Jobs - I know most of us may roll our eyes or not believe that people have found jobs through Twitter or Facebook because it seems so far-fetched and unlikely. While it may not happen for everyone, those that genuinely care about others, helping them, and connecting with people will find themselves forging connections with strangers online. You know how sometimes you have that random question that you wish you could find an expert or someone in the exact same boat as you to ask, but none of your immediate circle has any clue? This is when social media plays a large role. I had a wonderful chat with a new online friend this past weekend. We swapped stories about interview attire. Hi, @AllyRae! A friend of mine got her job via a Facebook status update when she ranted "I need a job!" out of frustration. Someone saw it and passed that along and the rest is history. So I was skeptical too and started to Google how people used Twitter to find jobs and I came across Tweet My Jobs. It is a site and free service to tweet out your full resume. They also notify you of jobs in your area. Pretty cool, eh? Technology moves at such a fast pace it's hard to keep up with what's out there. So maybe you'll get a job and tell me how you did it! Is there a new telepathic message service now?

2) Snail Mail - This isn't a new program or site. I'm actually referring to regular old snail mail, USPS mail. I've actually sent in my resume and cover letter to companies with open positions whenever their site was down or when a post had expired. On a whim, I figured I would only have 44 cents to lose. It has paid off where I got a phone call or an interview. One HR rep actually said to me, "I wouldn't normally call, but because you mailed in your resume specifically to us, I wanted to reward that." So believe it or not, sometimes going old school does work. Nothing pays off like a more personal touch and reaching out in unconventional ways when everyone is updating their FB status, tweeting, emailing, and filling out online applications.

3) About.Me - This is also a free site where in three steps you build a visually elegant splash page that points visitors to your content from around the web. Upload a photo, write a couple of sentences, and input links to your FB, Twitter, LinkedIn, Flickr, Vimeo, and etc. It is a central site so you can pull into one place where everyone can see and connect with you. In a word, brilliant. So brilliant, AOL bought it in a heart beat.

Relationships and networking will always be about one on one connections. Nurturing them takes time, but it is so fun and rewarding. Technology only helps facilitate that process along, but it also serves as a jumping off point too. Otherwise, how else can you meet so many different types of people while eating a late night snack, in your PJs, vegging out on your couch?

Can I Follow You On Twitter?

2011-06-08T05:51:00.000-07:00

Although I have been MIA from this blog for several months, I'm always thinking of blog topics to write about and tips to share with my fellow readers. I usually have 2-3 half written blogs I'm waiting to flesh out and finalize between reading your fan mail, mentoring other assistants, and answering any of your direct questions. I do read all mail that is sent to me and try to personally respond when advice is sought. However, a faster way to communicate would be to Twitter! I would love to follow you and see what issues are coming up in your every day lives at work or at home. Work life balance is something we all struggle with, me in particular. So please feel free to reach out to me on Twitter so I can follow you back! Let me know it's because you read my blog and how I can help you! Talk soon!

@KiyomiM

How LinkedIn Can Help Your Career & How I Use It

2010-12-29T15:24:00.000-08:00

Having an online presence is very important in this digital age. If having a blog or your own website doesn’t work for you for whatever reason, LinkedIn is the next best thing. I’ve known and experienced myself of finding jobs through LinkedIn or Googling people to get in touch with them or gather their past work to pitch them as applicants to recruiters. Aside from being searched online and negative and damaging information is found, the second worst thing is when zero information is found. It makes one wonder if they aren’t tech-savvy, are good at networking, or realize if it’s apparent we are now in a digital frontier.

Aside from my blog, LinkedIn, and Brazen Careerist, I do not have my own website. I’ve found those three and other tactics have served me well, especially because they are all free methods. Below are tips on how I use LinkedIn. I hope they are helpful to you as well.

1. Photo

Either have a really professional clear headshot photo or none at all. Some of the worst photos I’ve seen are people reclining in their office chairs or the photo is so far away that you can’t even tell if the person is male, female, or an alien. Photos are beneficial if you have a non-traditional name to determine what gender you are. For example, if you’re a woman but go by Chris or Alex as a nickname. For myself, people unfamiliar with Japan may not realize I’m female since Kiyomi is my first name and in Japan Kiyoshi is a common male name and they are very similar. Photos help you to come across as sharp, professional, and help put a face to the name, especially for phone interviews.

2. Job Title

Instead of your current title, use your unique selling point to better brand yourself. My title says: High-Level Assistant for Chairmen/CEOs of Sony, MGM, Fox & Fortune-ranked companies, including Exec Producers. My current title is Executive Assistant, but that doesn’t really say anything about me or ‘sell’ me enough. With the title I use at LinkedIn, you get my career re-cap and gather that I specialize in the entertainment sector, C-Level executives, and am versed in both business and creative fields because I’ve worked for Executive Producers as well.

3. Recommendations

Have as many recommendations you can from a lot of different sources so they showcase a different aspect of you. You are aiming for the 360 view. You want people who work below you, at your same level, above you, and outside your company (clients, vendors, etc) to recommend you. I also include HR executives and recruiters because I work freelance a lot and they bring me back often which bodes well.

Throughout the year, ask people for recommendations after a big project, when they compliment you, if you volunteer, or mentor someone that is relevant to your career.

Try not to write a recommendation for everyone that writes you one or it defeats the purpose. Why? If you write one for everyone that writes you one, it looks as though you just traded recommending each other as a favor. I currently have over 40 recommendations. Of that, I’ve written 4 for other people - two who have written me one, and two who have not. In this manner, the accolades are more objective.

Recommendations can be any length. I have one that is one sentence, but it is a powerful one. Others are only 2-3 sentences and I do have a couple that are quite lengthy.

When asking for a recommendation, mention how you are always sprucing up your LinkedIn profile and if they felt comfortable to write you 2-3 sentences. Sometimes I do ask them to write in 2-3 weeks or else I find they mean to do it, but never get around to it. Ask a lot of people who can give you strong recommendations because you’ll find that people are either too busy or may not have LinkedIn.

4. Summary of soft and hard skills

Include a short summary of your soft and hard skills. Because my role is very “customer service” heavy, my people skills are just as important as my core skills. Anyone can be an assistant if they have the right attitude and are fairly smart. The question becomes, are you good with people, humble, can you take requests, can you get along with the mailroom, security, other assistants, the general public, VIP, and your boss’ boss - in essence, anyone?

5. List of books

There is an option at LinkedIn to share what you are currently reading. As a bookworm, this is one of my favorite features. I follow people to see what they are reading and they follow me. Oddly, I found out that people who I have never had any contact with are following my list. This shares with people a little bit more about who you are as a person. Because of this list, a co-worker approached me and we like to talk books now!

6. Contact database

LinkedIn serves as my second contact database since they are all in one location. The best thing is, as people’s information changes, I can see their new info because they update their own email address. Or I can see the current company they are at whenever they update their profile.

7. Q & A section

The Answers section is where you can ask for advice or help ranging from tech support to general advice. I like this section because I can help others by suggesting my favorite business books to read or give advice to people still in school about internships, Hollywood, or entering the “real” world. It’s a great way to give back to the community.

8. Attachment section

LinkedIn has many features and applications where you can upload presentations or projects that you have worked on. I don’t use these features as they don’t apply to my specific position, but I can see how it can be beneficial to others to have 3 work examples uploaded.

9. Network

LinkedIn is a great way to network or stay in touch. A few people have found me through other connections asking me to join their network. I have also re-connected with former colleagues from many years ago through LinkedIn.

10. Grow your network

The key is to constantly grow your network. Whenever you arrive to a new company, add everyone you meet. When you are exiting a company, also add people. Whenever I start a new project or meet someone new, I also add them. It took me several years, but I finally grew my network to 500+ people.

You Are a Role Model Without Knowing It

2010-12-15T18:20:00.001-08:00

As the year comes to a close and I ponder the events that marked these past 12 months, I marvel at the beauty of life despite so many signs of hardship and destruction. In always trying to see the bright side and be grateful, I look at my life and those in it for inspiration and awe. Sometimes a book can move me just as well.

Whether you know it or not, your life, how you live it, whether positively or negatively, acts as a beacon for anyone that crosses your path. In this way, we are all a part of the universe. It has been known that happiness can travel within a circle of friends and can affect people a few times removed. The impact of one person to another, even as total strangers is evident and scientifically documented.

I’ll give you an example from my personal life. For years, I’ve known S and her husband D. We see each other a couple of times a year, but we are not close. I know them through someone else. If it weren’t for the fact that I’ve seen them a handful of times each year for about 10 years, they really would be acquaintances because that’s how well I know them. In a span of about 6 months, they have been riddled with a very serious health issue, a home renovation that went bad via a freak incident, they lived in a hotel for almost two months, they had to re-decorate again, and then another very serious illness. And did I mention they have two toddlers, but through it all they never complained and even poked fun at life and how it didn’t seem to let up on them? And either the kids were sick or they were also sick while trying to take care of each other and the family, including juggling work and life in general. I admire them, their marriage, and their attitude.

I also just finished reading Scratch Beginnings. It a social experiment where one college grad tried to ‘get out of poverty’ with only $25, the clothes he wore, a bag and tarp. Many people positively influenced his life, but the one stranger that affected him the most got a long thank you letter. It stated they didn’t know each other’s names, how their daily interaction brightened his day immensely and started it off right, how a “mundane job” really was vital to society even though he may not know it. Who did Adam Shepard write this thank you letter to? His local community bus driver.

I wrote a get well card to S and D sharing how I admire their marriage, outlook, and resilience. It was the 2nd one I had to write in 6 months so I didn’t want to say the typical ‘get well soon’ message figuring it wouldn’t suffice. So, I hoped they would appreciate how much they impacted my life by living with such grace, poise, and gratitude. They enjoyed receiving it, but probably not as much as I enjoyed writing it.

When was the last time you wrote a thank you card or a long thank you letter - not an email or a word of thanks, or not a thank you for a birthday gift or a job interview? When was the last time you wrote someone to say thank you for “being you” or “just because” or mentioned how much you appreciate them when it wasn’t a special day? Perhaps, now that the holidays are here, a thank you/love letter wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

10 Tips to be a Better Executive Assistant - Part 3

2010-12-13T17:48:00.000-08:00

Here are 10 random tips I’ve culled over the years on how to be a better assistant. This is part 3.

1. As soon as you get an email or piece of paper, deal with it.

I hate my inbox filled up with unread messages or paper. Every time I get a new mail, I deal with it immediately. I delete it, flag it to deal with later, file it to a folder, or answer it right away. If I flag it for later I at least say I got their email.

2. Gentle reminder

Whenever you have to remind someone, always state it’s a gentle reminder. This way they don’t feel as though you are mad, upset, or nagging them. And perhaps they didn’t forget, but just haven’t had the chance to do it. So if you say a “gentle reminder” it sounds more gentle!

3. State your past work history to re-establish connections or forge new ones.

Whenever I am new to an office, if I’ve worked with someone before, but they may not remember I usually speak up. This usually happens with other assistants or high level executives. Oftentimes, they have never met me, but may recall my name or my boss’ name when I mention it over the phone. I will say, “I think we may have worked together when I was in ___________’s office.” Or I will say to new co-workers where I used to work just so they have an idea of my background or to find out if we had crossed paths before. When you do this, it establishes a lot of credibility that you “run in the same circles,” have a similar background, or a solid work history. It also re-establishes any feelings of rapport since you probably got along previously. The point is also to establish yourself as a career professional if you’re an executive assistant. When many leave the job to become something else after a year, being a lifetime assistant states you’re here to stay, you “get in,” and this isn’t your first job assisting a VIP. Hollywood/LA is a very small town and there is only one degree of separation. Being a high level assistant is a whole different type of job and only other assistants in the same boat can relate. (For example, you start speaking in short hand to other assistants and it doesn’t come across as rude because it’s meant to be efficient and not waste time with small talk. In all emails with other assistants we started referring to our bosses by initials only. Or when we would place calls, because we had caller ID, instead of saying, “I have John Doe,” we would say, “I have him. Is he there?”)

4. Utilize LinkedIn, especially for the same reason as above.

Everyone should have a LinkedIn account for the online viewable recommendations alone. Aside from that, I use it for many reasons, but largely, I want to have my resume online so I can connect with people and have them learn about me should they so desire. And instead of my job title being my current one, I state it as my overall career title/unique selling point to better brand myself. I constantly add new people to my network and spruce up my profile.

5. Watch Entourage, Swimming with Sharks, and The Devil Wears Prada to gain perspective.

Granted these movies are very fiction-heavy, but at the very least, you will understand the executive assistant culture. Whenever I tell people what I do for a living, someone asks if I’ve see the above titles. And then ‘war stories’ come out sometimes. LOL I don’t divulge because I don’t have any and it’s not good to gossip.

6. Don’t be surprised if you’re told in not so many words who to befriend and not befriend.

It’s only happened maybe three times in my career, but I can certainly read between the lines when someone above me has told me in not so many words that someone is not their favorite person. Sometimes the reason seems valid from what little I know, sometimes the reason is not that big of a deal. As an executive assistant it’s your job to treat everyone the same - diplomatic, but firm - and be loyal to your boss and your boss’ boss.

7. Be prepared that sometimes the job description you’re given when you interview is vastly differently once you’re in the job.

I’ve heard this a lot more from other people who had very horrendous experiences. Either whoever is doing the hiring/interviewing has never done the job before, so they hear what the job is like from people who are not in the role. Or what happens is a lot of the very bad parts of the job are glossed over because they think you/a new person/things are different that there’s no reason to scare people off prematurely. Having a job description helps immensely to know what is required of you and what does and doesn’t fall under your jurisdiction. Having on-going open discussions as soon as you come aboard helps navigate your role better and negotiate appropriately during your annual review.

8. If you leave stuff on people's desk or vice versa leave a note so they know who it's from and maybe when you left it just in case.

I hate coming back to my desk with stuff on it and I have no idea who left it there. It can take me up to 15 minutes to figure it out. And in case my boss asks questions, I never want to say, “I have no idea who left it there when I was in the copy room.” If you can’t find a pen or paper to leave a note, at least email the person you left something on their desk when you get back.

9. Yes, sometimes your boss tries to avoid certain people whether they will admit it or not.

In almost every office I’ve worked in, my boss or co-worker will at times avoid someone’s call or a drop-in visit. 99% of the time, I never know why, but you’ll spot it when your boss asks you to pull them out of a meeting after 15 min or keep asking you to take a message when the same person calls 3 times in one hour. It’s not important why your boss is in hiding, only that you do as they ask without making it obvious that you are/aren’t “lying” on their behalf. Whatever their reason, trust it’s a good one. Fear not, this isn’t usually the type of situation where it goes on for a month or the rest of the year, but rather for a day or so at most.

10. Have a personal stash.

Have an extra umbrella at the office if you can. Have your own private stash of food for late nights or snacking. Just in case have extra cough drops, Band-Aids, Airborne, Tylenol, Advil, stamps, safety pins, nail clippers, lighters, straws, cash/change, or tweezers.

It’s nice to establish yourself as the “go-to” person for all things office-related and not office related. I once had the reputation in my office for the girl that had everything. You’ll be surprised how often people appreciate you offering your personal stash when they have a cold or an emergency. You can save them in the nick of time!

The Happiness Interview

2010-12-06T18:46:00.000-08:00

Gretchen Rubin’s book and blog are among my favorites. She interviews well-known authors, bloggers, or anyone that has anything to do with happiness or the search for it. Below are 9 questions she asks everyone. Their answers can be so illuminating and thought-provoking that I decided to answer them myself as if she was interviewing me! LOL I figured it would be a very good exercise in self-reflection and pinpointing my life philosophies. Here’s hoping these answers will be of help to you too!

What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Keeping busy and learning. Whether it’s volunteering, exploring new hobbies, catching up with friends, sleeping in, reading a book, or trying a new restaurant, I want to live life to the fullest. It may not be a grand or exciting life, but it is a happy, fulfilling, and productive one!

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
Now that I’m out of college and have been in the real world for some time, I’ve realized that happiness means re-defining who I am, my goals, my values, my definition of happiness every few years. It’s like Madonna, now I know why she re-invents her music and who she is. From one stage ending, comes a new beginning.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?
Boredom is the devil’s playground. When I can’t think of what to do, which is rare, I ruminate on the past and too many if’s, and’s, but’s.

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful? (e.g., I remind myself to “Spend out.”) Or a happiness quotation that has struck you as particularly insightful?
During the worst of times, my mantra is: Whatever you do, don’t make it worse.

On a bad day, it’s: Always take the high road or you’ll regret it later because it’s a small world. Let it go.

For every day, it’s: Stay positive and Carpe Diem!

My favorite quote is by Helen Keller. “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”

If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost? Or, like a “comfort food,” do you have a comfort activity? (Mine is reading children’s books.)
I read. I read to laugh, to be moved, to feel validated, for knowledge.

I also write the highlights from each week and Monday nights are set aside for personal growth reading, journaling, reflection, or sleeping early.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
Many complain, but won’t cultivate the discipline to change their circumstances or are too afraid.

It was very eye opening for me to learn that 1) most people prefer the certainty of misery than the misery of uncertainty and 2) procrastination is a form of anxiety management.

How you deal with your anxiety/stress and how you solve problems are key indicators..

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy – if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?
I’ve always felt the same level of happiness. During any periods of feeling lost or confused, I still maintained my sanity by sleeping, eating, and living well. Any time I’m unhappy, I focus on why I’m feeling the way I am and how to fix it. Avoidance and denial are never the answer.

I also recently discovered Brene Brown and I love her outlook and quote. “An ordinary life is not meaningless.” I’m paraphrasing, but it’s our downfall as a nation that our belief is we must be extraordinary to matter - the smartest, richest, prettiest, most successful, sexiest, funniest, etc. This is why, in all of American history, we have never been more obese, in debt, depressed, addicted, and feeling overextended/busy than we are today.

Do you work on being happier? If so, how?
Yes. Reading is my way of seeking new concepts or life lessons to ponder by reading memoirs. I also love reading personal growth books whether they are about business, my industry, successful companies/people, failures, or life’s tribulations. More than anything it’s also the discipline and patience to carry out actions and make decisions based on what I want out of life long-term. By taking time to think, reflect, and NOT live life on auto pilot you learn who you are, why you feel and think the way you do, what you want, what’s important to you, and how to carry out a meaningful day, week, and life. Regarding happiness, knowing who you are solves 90% of your problems. The rest is tactic and strategy to go after what you want.

Have you ever been surprised that something you expected would make you very happy, didn’t – or vice versa?
Not really. I’ve always believed the best things in life are free. Money and toys can only buy you so much happiness. At the end of the day, everyone wants to do meaningful work and to feel special.

Struggling with Knowing vs Doing

2010-11-11T18:20:00.001-08:00

Penelope Trunk wrote about meditation just recently and how everyone should be doing it because the science is there on how supremely beneficial it is. She goes on to state she used to do it and stopped although she knows how great it can be.

I initially started meditating because I knew about the facts behind the science and during my “lost” period, I figured the answer might be in meditation. I bought the most stripped down, non religious, 8-minutes a day guide on meditation that was hailed by all the major media outlets. Every week was a new set of instructions to build upon.

I meditated faithfully for the first 6-7 days. It was a lot easier than I had imagined it would be. I stopped, however, right before the 2nd week was to start and I was to build upon what I learned that first week. Part of the reason I stopped was that I could see that meditation was not the answer to why I felt so lost. I also stopped (unfairly) because I didn’t see any benefit, but how could I only after a few tries? Most importantly, it’s so hard to stick with a routine or to have discipline when you KNOW something is helpful or beneficial but you have not EXPERIENCED IT YET. I am sure I suffer from some instant gratification just like the rest of my generation.

As much as I know this about myself, science, human psychology, and human behavior, I have actually stuck to very disciplined behaviors that I still continue today. Several years ago I started to cut out caffeine and my sleep improved drastically. Already a night owl, I sleep at a more reasonable hour and I fall asleep within 20 minutes. I experimented not drinking water past a certain time before bed to prevent waking up from in the middle of the night. The few weeks I did that, my sleep was amazing. However, I didn’t continue it. I once cut out rice, pasta, and bread for 3 months and noticed the lack of sluggish feeling afterward. I get these glimpses of feeling extraordinary and experience the payoff, but sometimes it’s not worth the tradeoff. I still continue avoiding many items others consume because I see it’s worth the extra effort.

I’m contemplating picking up meditation again. My current goal is to find a way to become even more compassionate, grateful, forgiving, accepting, realistic, and joyful about my life. Like Penelope said, while I am no longer lost, feel strong, and have such inner peace, it’s the time to strengthen myself mentally and emotionally so I am much more resilient when something strikes again. A daily ritual is what I need and I’m still experimenting what I want to do. I’m going to start with Monday nights being for “reflection time.” It will be a way for me to carve out time to just sit and think, and then create blueprints for how I want to live out my life in the long-run. Any start is always good.

Answering Reader Mail: Confidential Job Hunts, Raises, Promotions & Better Projects

2010-10-29T18:03:00.001-07:00

This is my first admin job supporting a mid-level executive. I love working in admin, but I have been stuck in this dead end job for more than a few years now without a raise. I also haven’t been growing or learning anything new since Day 1 because my boss won’t give me projects. We discussed it at length and I “have” my boss’ support. However, even after taking many classes on the various programs I still haven’t gotten any new tasks. I would like to get better assignments, promoted, or get a raise before a few more years go by. How do I get a recommendation letter from my boss for a new job hunt without raising suspicion or improve my situation without my boss’ help? Thank you so much.

Dear Reader,

Thank you so much for your questions. I hope I can be of some help to you.

First, congratulations on such a pro-active attitude. It’s such a shame that there aren’t more managers who are good mentors that help each individual grow and learn more in their roles. Granted, I understand that many managers are busy and it’s faster for them to do certain projects. Yet it is a waste of a happy, willing student much like yourself.

One of the best ways to get a raise is to try to ask for more responsibility and increase your skills and talents much like you did. Short of that, looking for a new job elsewhere is your second best bet. While you have a job, recruiters are much happier to steal you away to their company instead. You also have more negotiating leverage for a better salary and projects. Progressive work experience is always a smart goal.

Another suggestion to get more experience on really good projects is to volunteer during your free time. There are many admin or office type positions. Perhaps you will be able to put together documents, presentations, grants, and portfolios using Excel, Powerpoint, Word and any other databases or programs you have taken classes for. In this manner, when you go into job interviews you can bring all the sales presentations or documents you put together into a portfolio to showcase your work. A good resource for volunteering opportunities is volunteermatch.org Volunteering is also a great opportunity to network with new people who are in your field or have the same interests and skill sets as you do. I got a lot of my experience volunteering, working for free, or doing internships. I can not stress volunteering enough to spruce up your resume for when are you ready to leave your current company.

Instead of trying to rely on only your boss for a recommendation letter, keep in mind the value of the 360 view. Recommendations can come from other executives that you work with, people on the same level as you, people below you, vendors, clients and anyone that worked with you. The point is to have many different people, in different roles, in different levels to vouch for your work ethic, talents, skills, and character. Perhaps you’ve assisted visiting executives or consultants, helped out other assistants on a team project, or have a long-standing business relationship with a vendor, catering manager, or florist for all the office luncheons, birthday parties, or special events. In this manner, you can get really good recommendations from people who know you well in a team environment.

I suggest starting with LinkedIn to get recommendations along with traditional letters. Your LinkedIn profile can be public, there is an option to also print out any recommendations people write, and the glowing remarks can be as short as 2-3 sentences or much longer. Also remember to ask a few key people for permission to list them as a reference on job applications for more in-depth references. HR will usually call 2-3 people for a quick phone chat.

The best way to ask people for LinkedIn recommendations is shortly after any major special project or whenever they compliment you. Email them saying you’d love 2-3 sentences if they feel comfortable commenting on how you did x, y, z on the __________ project. This helps refresh their memory and you’ve provided most of the details that they only have to write their glowing remarks. Also be sure to ask all and as many people as you can. People are busy and you’ll find that only a small percentage of those you ask even have LinkedIn or will actually feel comfortable writing something.

Asking for recommendations is something you should be doing all-year round, just like networking. And constantly learning new skills and gaining a wide range of knowledge is vital to getting to the next step. You want to have your ducks in a row before you get laid off or want to find a better job. Happy job hunting and keep me posted!

Now What?! Reflections on Professional Milestones & Aging

2010-10-21T18:44:00.001-07:00

I’ve always known age to be a critical factor in succeeding, work, and being in showbiz even before I was an adult. I purposely started early and I hope I logged my 10, 000 hours like Malcolm Gladwell said in Outliers. Now that I’m a “real” adult, how I define success, how my thinking has shaped who I am, and all the changes I went through are starting to become apparent. This what they must mean by enjoying the aging process! :) I’m really starting to enjoy adulthood by seeing how far I’ve come and what I will continue to learn about myself.

I started working at age 12 babysitting. At 14, I was a waitress where people thought I was 18. At 16, I was a journalist and on local television as on-air talent and doing voice over work and teaching ESL to scientists, doctors, and children. My bosses and clients always marveled at how young I was, eager to learn, able to be around people at least twice my age. When I was in college, people thought I was a decade older based on my demeanor. By the time I hit Hollywood, being so young was obviously in my favor. One look at me and my resume and you could tell I was a go-getter, hungry, and would hustle tempered with enough work experience to get caught up to speed rather quickly. All my hard work at part-time jobs, internships, and self-awareness paid off.

I worked for CEOs, well-known companies, and had a diverse overview of showbiz ranging from radio, print, television, film, marketing, and event planning. It felt good to be the youngest person in the office. Although I was very junior, I took pride in the fact that I was there, allowed to observe, soak in the daily grind of well-respected executives, and assist them. In showbiz where anyone would kill for your job and even do it for free, I knew how extremely lucky I was to “just be an assistant” and have down-to-earth supervisors. I loved it and still do. At that point in my life, a great majority of my success and identity was based on being the youngest person. I got my foot in the door early. I was given access. I would experience things most people never would. However, what happens when you are no longer the youngest person?

At some point, you realize the next young batch of go-getters are right behind you. I noticed this when other younger, newer assistants would come to me with questions and I began mentoring them. It was great to help them and to know that I was no longer the newbie assistant with the worst paycheck. But of course, helping others and money, isn’t a healthy lifelong marker for being happy and being fulfilled. And I certainly wasn’t unhappy or unfulfilled. Constant change, reinvention, and growth are the key to sustained happiness and emotional well-being. It’s just that now that I’m older, I can see myself back then with fresh eyes and observe my way of thinking a little more objectively.

From being the youngest to earning a good paycheck and being able to help others, my sense of accomplishment then came from being headhunted by Oprah, Apple, major cities across the nation, and having recruiters checking in with me periodically. When people seek you out to fill a position, you know you are on the right track. However, life and success not reflected upon wisely can just become a non-stop treadmill of external validations and false happiness, which brings me to the present. How will I gauge success and happiness for the next 5-10 years when youth, good money, stability, and progressive work experience are under my belt?

I have always lived my life mindfully and have tried to live it with balance. In the beginning, I wanted phenomenal work experience and to convey my great work ethic to have a strong foundation for my career. I became a workaholic. I was an independent adult. Then I wanted stability and comfort. Once I got that I sought work/life balance. Now that I have what I’ve worked toward all these years, I contemplate what I want my life to be in this phase. In some ways, I’m having to restructure my life from scratch and reassess all my values to fine-tune old ones. I’m sure it’s obvious why I’m at this point in my life; I just had a birthday.

As I celebrated, friends and co-workers joked I will forever be 20. Odd that they chose 20, not 21. I still get mistaken for being 16 and have for the past few years. I’m short, I have a baby face, and I stay out of the sun. I guess I look very youthful, not even I’m-21-I-can-buy-alcohol-youthful, but slightly younger. The cashier at Fresh & Easy said I’d be carded forever.

Except now that I’m no longer 20 and find myself in the adult world among peers, I worry the youthful look will work against me. I’m researching volunteer opportunities to help adults re-write their resumes or teach teens technology. I’m afraid my babyface will offend older adults and have them question my skills. I’m afraid the teenagers will not take me seriously either because I will look their age or not command their respect. And not knowing what the “best” age is in showbiz, Los Angeles, and in life, I’ve now taken measures not to date myself to avoid the question of how old I am completely. I removed the year I graduated from my resume and LinkedIn. I don’t correct people if they assume I might be a different age. I’m mute on the whole subject.

So I will have to ponder a little longer how I will re-define success, happiness, balance, and being a well-rounded individual. I will have to re-organize my priorities, social life, and my precious hours of free time. I will have to have a better understanding of myself and my goals. And I will have to strike the balance between using my babyface to its best advantage while fully utilizing all the self-awareness and life lessons I have today. It is a time for re-birth. How interesting and dare I say, fun, it will be! ;)

7 Tips for Being Lost

2010-10-12T10:44:00.001-07:00

It’s been a couple weeks now of feeling lost. My plan to accept I didn’t have the answer only worked for awhile. At some point, the mild annoyance started to creep back into my life. To cope with it, I looked outside myself, half knowing the answer would not be in the new hobbies I tried, to bring more joy into my life, nor the more in-depth conversations I would have with my dear friends for comfort. However, the solace of knowing I was fairing pretty well, was not alone, and had new ideas to self-reflect upon at least made me feel as I was not thrashing around aimlessly. I was trying, even if I wasn’t succeeding. The realization that this would not be the last time of feeling lost began to dawn upon me. That every few years, I would wonder and question what my life was about. The journey is still just beginning. Even though the answer will most often not be given to me directly, each successive step leads me to the next one, which will eventually lead me to my answer. And it’s in taking the first ‘wrong’ step that will lead me to the next ‘wrong’ step that will eventually get me closer to where I need to be. So if you really think about it, none of them are wrong steps at all. Each step is a tiny clue or hint that leads and informs the next action. This is what helped me get out of being lost.

1. Mourn whatever it is you are sad, angry, disappointed, or confused about.

2. Once you mourn that, see if you still feel sad, angry, disappointed, or confused. If you are still feeling unsettled were you mourning and working through the right thing or do you have many things to address in succession?

3. Keep repeating the cycle of mourning different things you need to until you get to the point where you are either tired of feeling like crap or you feel strong enough to act and solve your problem.

4. Take baby steps to seek out your answer. You can start by trying new hobbies, socialize with old and new friends, truly relishing what you know for sure you like and enjoy. Write out your thoughts. Sit and think, self reflect, and work through your thoughts for 15 min or an hour a day.

5. Watch Steve Jobs’ or Oprah Winfrey’s commencement speeches. Watch Randy Pausch’s the Last Lecture and read the book. Watch Team Hoyt’s video set to the song I Can Only Imagine. Watch the PBS documentary This Emotional Life by Daniel Gilbert. Watch movies.

6. Start reading books that will answer the questions you have or help you feel validated and less alone in the situation you are in. One of the best books I just discovered is M. Scott Peck’s THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED. These may also help you: Ambiguous Loss by Pauline Boss, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie, It’s Not About the Bike by Lance Armstrong, Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, Seeking Peace by Mary Pipher, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, and Falling Apart in One Piece by Stacy Morrison.

7. Once you have more clarity and can think straight, have the courage to face your fears and solve your problems while getting enough sleep and exercise and not self-medicating. Almost anything can become a self-medicating defense mechanism - overeating, drinking, drugs, shopping, gambling, avoidance, or denial. As long as you are coping and functioning in your daily life for the most part, that may be all you can do that day. And that’s okay. :)

10 Tips to be a Better Executive Assistant - Part 2

2010-10-11T17:58:00.000-07:00

Here are 10 random tips I’ve culled over the years on how to be a better assistant. This is part 2.

1. If your boss’ door is open, listen in so you can anticipate their needs.

As an assistant, you normally sit right outside your boss’ office and should be able to hear their conversations. I always usually half listen in as I’m working. When I do listen in, I hear my boss and his colleague wonder when Comic Con is or when one accidentally spills a bottle of water. Then, I’m able to bring in the information they need on a piece of paper without interrupting their meeting or a roll of paper towels and a new bottle without being asked. Being a good assistant is about knowing what they might ask for next and saving them that step of actually asking you. If their meeting is confidential, your boss will close their door so don’t worry. And whenever you listen in, the only time you should react or show you are listening is, is when it is work related and they need help. This means, even if you hear them have small talk in the beginning and one of them cracks a funny joke, you should not be laughing out loud a long with with them! Just laugh to yourself!

2. Run or walk fast wherever you go.

Time is always of the utmost importance and hustling is one of the best traits an assistant can have. I always make it a point to either actually run or walk fast whenever I am in the office. If my boss summons me to his office I actually run the 7 feet to his desk. When the phone rings and I have to find my boss, I run to locate him. Around the office, a colleague always jokes with me that whenever she runs, she calls it “I’m doing the Kiyomi.” The amount of time you save by actually speed walking or running to get something is enormous. It also states you take your job seriously and understand that every task is of the utmost importance and has urgency.

3. If you want to complain, offer a suggestion at the same time, better yet 3 suggestions.

I think most workers view their supervisors as psuedo-parents since they assign you work, give feedback, and are authority figures. Our entire lives were spent being shaped and guided by those who oversee us. First it was our parents, then our teachers, and then our college professors. It’s how we operated for the first 20+ years of our lives so it is understandable that we might see our bosses in this way. However, at work, you are there to work. And your boss has a lot on his plate answering to his boss, board members, or clients. He barely has enough time and attention span for his own job and overseeing his department/colleagues that when you present him with a problem that he probably didn’t even know existed, he has even less of a clue how to fix or solve it than you do, not to mention the time. This is why I advise that if you have a complaint or a problem you should also have 3 good suggestions. More often than not, your boss’ role in the company is as a leader, visionary, and strategist, not so much one who actually carries out the work. He will most often oversee, guide, and a grant approval. This is why you offering suggestions helps get the ball rolling toward actually implementing a solution.

4. Name-drop effectively on behalf of your boss.

Sometimes you will be in a situation where you need to name-drop on behalf of your boss. Say, if you need to make a dinner reservation at the hottest spot in town. It works to be kind instead being snobby about it. I name drop as a last resort. When I call a restaurant, I ask for a reservation first and if they say they are too packed, I respond in an almost embarrassed tone and say the following.

“Oh... I’m actually calling on behalf of my boss, Mr X. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with him, he’s the CEO of ________. He really loves your restaurant and wanted to have a dinner meeting there.”

That usually seems to work. If not, at least you tried.

5. Will this be complimentary?

When you work for a well-known executive, you will be told about certain products or services. If you know the offer is legitimate, sometimes you wonder if they are trying to sell your boss something or if they are giving it for free. To ask without sounding cheap, the key phrase is, “Is this complimentary?” Keep in mind though, unless you know the person or company very well, everything comes at price. The only time I use this phrase is if my boss bought something, the product was faulty, and the business offers to right a wrong. I might ask if the return shipping will be complimentary/refunded.

6. Label phone extensions “Lines 1, 2, 3, 4”

If your boss’ phone has multiple phone lines, mark them numerically instead of their separate extensions. When the phones are ringing off the hook and 2 are on hold, you’re on one line, and the other one on hold is for your boss, it’s much easier to say, “Grab line 1.” I’ve worked in other offices and we had to say “the top line” or “the bottom one” or “the 2nd to the last one” and it’s just too many words to say.

7. Lend books or movies out or share whatever hobbies to foster good relations.

I’m a big fan of reading and movies so I always like to lend my books or DVDs to executives and other assistants. I even knew one co-worker who would share his Neftlix DVDs with people at work! After he watched it, he would give it to someone else to watch and made sure they sent it back in afterward. Wow!

8. You have a great vendor when they bend to accommodate you.

Often as an assistant, you have to use outside companies for flowers, birthday cakes or lunches. The best vendors are the ones that will go the extra step by offering to go out and buy whatever they don’t normally have in stock or who will go the extra mile. Reward them by constantly using them. It’s very hard to find good vendors. I’ve been able to have restaurants deliver to us when they normally wouldn’t or have them actually go out and buy special china and platters for a big lunch knowing they could always use it again with us or another client. They will also start doing what good businesses do, not charging us for another set up fee or replacing free of charge items that through no fault of theirs or ours were damaged. Here’s a small, but powerful example. We were having a catered lunch with dessert. Unexpectedly the weather turned sunny and bright around lunch time. In the short 15-20 minute ride over the chocolate desserts melted all over the other desserts on the big platter. Upon arrival, the driver and I discovered this when the food was being unloaded. The driver rushed back and brought a new dessert plate and then said ALL of our desserts would be free because of the small mishap. This was no one’s fault and the dessert wasn’t cheap. But they were willing to eat the cost. They wanted to let us know they valued our business and would go the extra mile to keep us happy. Even when things weren’t their fault they would fix it. You’ll find that a mutually-beneficial relationship starts to develop. I went to eat at that same restaurant on my day off one day and brought a friend. Although it was packed they recognized me and sat me right away! Anytime I find a new restaurant I like, I make it a point to bring all of my friends there too.

9. If you work at a big company, are new, or work for someone high profile, people you've never met will already know your face and name somehow.

One of the oddest things to me was that very often at work, people I never met always greeted me by name and would strike up conversations with me. At first I thought it was someone I had spoken on the phone with, but never saw face to face. However, the longer I worked there, I realized it wasn’t that. Almost anywhere I worked, people would know me because I was in such a visible office or that I sat in a very visible area. I had no idea everyone became familiar to me without my knowledge. It still continues to this day where the new person is not so new anymore, but they are new to me and forget to introduce themselves and they just carry on as if we are best friends so I feel awkward saying, “I don’t know your name!” LOL At one event, someone actually claimed we knew each other and had previously met. I knew for a fact that was not true because when they said when we had met, I actually hadn’t even been working there yet! I didn’t disagree, but I did realize that was more of a case where they insisted they knew me because they thought it would beneficial to them. Although there was nothing I could actually help them with.

10. Always have a suit jacket on hand or an extra change of work clothes.

I worked in a really casual office where everyone wore jeans, t-shirts and flip flops. One day my boss forgot something and asked me to drop off paperwork at her important business seminar. I knew everyone would be dressed up and luckily, I had my handy black suit jacket. Once I threw that on over my t-shirts, jeans, and black sneakers, I actually looked more business casual. Or if you were to spill something on yourself, you can’t work for a CEO and present yourself in that manner. So this where extra clothes come in handy.

10 Tips to be a Better Executive Assistant - Part 1

2010-09-27T09:20:00.001-07:00

Here are 10 random tips I’ve culled over the years on how to be a better assistant. This is part 1.

1. Yes, No Boxes

Since I’ve worked for so many Fortune 500 CEO’s, I’ve actually been coincidentally groomed the same way in all the offices.

Whenever my boss would receive snail mail or an invitation, we had a pile or folder that either needed his signatures or we needed an answer from him. This is where the Yes, No Boxes come in handy.

For example, if my boss was invited to a movie premiere, I would take a post-it note and write:

You are free this evening. Would you like to attend?
____ Yes ____ No

This way it would take my boss 2 seconds to mark his decision. Easy. Sometimes the CEO would add a note underneath like, “See if I can also bring my children.” We would ask for +3 guests instead of just +1.

2. Only give a max of 3 choices.

This is probably pretty self explanatory. Whenever presenting any options, give no more than 3 choices. Presenting too many options just overwhelms and confuses people and makes them indecisive. It would be good to make the choices inexpensive, medium, or very expensive or whatever spread of variety is possible. If asked for restaurants, choose one seafood/sushi, one steak, and one general/American cuisine.

3. Money/gifts contributions etiquette

When it comes to donating money to causes, gifts, or anything else where a lot of people are also pitching in, don’t be shy to ask how much everyone else is contributing. The person to ask would be the other assistants or discreetly ask the person collecting the money. The goal is to solicit enough information so your boss or CEO either contributes the same amount as everyone on his level or slightly more, whatever is appropriate. The goal is to make sure he doesn’t contribute less than everyone else.

4. Answer the phone so the caller only needs to say yes or no.

Whenever I answer the phone and I know who it is or know it’s not a cold call, I try to make it easiest on the caller. Instead of this conversation happening:

Me: ______’s office.
Caller: It’s Jim. Is _________ there?

I say this:

Me: ________’s office. Hey Jim. Let me see if I can find ________. Hold on.

5. Bake cookies, cupcakes, or any homemade gift during the holidays if you can’t afford at $10-$15 gift card from iTunes, Starbucks, or Jamba Juice.

In the past, one of my executives would burn a CD of holiday music and gave those out.

6. Print out your boss’ daily schedule and put in by your desk.

This helps immensely so your boss doesn’t have to check their schedule via their smartphone or walk back to their desk. It also helps when discussing with colleagues when they should stop by again to see your boss. If you’re like me, you always have about 10 different screens open on your computer which makes it a hassle to find the right one showing the calendar and then resuming your task.

7. Meet other assistants from other companies that you work with over lunch or coffee.

Every now and then, if I find myself working a lot with a particular assistant, I ask them if they’d be open to meeting for lunch. Sometimes I go to their office or they come to mine. It’s always nice to get to know them as people and it makes for a better working relationship since you can understand their role, their boss, and how they as clients fit into the bigger picture.

8. If you need to interrupt your boss in an important meeting or when they are on the phone, pass them a note.

In all the offices I’ve worked at, passing a Post-it note with large legible writing is the best way to get your boss information or to ask a question. The reason why writing it down is better is for confidentiality reasons and to not interrupt the meeting/call by talking. You will find that most often, the meeting will continue on around you or the meeting will stall only for 5 secs.

Before you enter the room, knock, then walk straight to your boss. Show them the note and wait for them to nod or shake their head, say they’ll call back, answer yes or no, or follow you out of the office. Then exit as quietly as you entered.

9. Answer every email/request right away even if only to say you got it and keep you posted on answer.

It’s helpful to give them an ETA on your answer and encourage them to check back with you frequently if they so desire.

10. When someone is asking for your help or has a request, write down everything they say and repeat back the information.

Escape the Vicious Cycle By Giving Yourself Permission

2010-09-22T18:29:00.001-07:00

Whatever your current problem or vicious cycle, give yourself permission to do whatever it is that isn’t allowing you to breathe, relax or face your deepest fear. Whatever action that you fail to do or keep repeating even though it’s not the best answer - stop, listen, and ask yourself, “What am I really running away from?”

Whenever I seek out solace and validation, it’s really to listen for an answer that will reinforce what I already believe or really want to do. You have to realize that being the Type A person that I am, I hate asking for advice, help, or not being independent. I’m all about self-awareness. Since I was a teen, friends told me to become a philosopher because I constantly grilled them through questioning on what they wanted, who they were, and that knowing yourself was the key to life whenever they came to me with the problem. I would elicit answers and peel away their excuses, justifications, and logic until the only thing left was their unabashed truth.

However, despite all this self-knowledge, of course there would be a gnawing question or major dilemma that I would need to consult my circle of friends every now and then, no matter how self-sufficient I wanted to be. Even though I know the answer, I refuse to implement it because I have not yet given myself the permission to do whatever it is I really should or want, for fear of X, Y, or Z. Or sometimes I wouldn’t be able to see that holding back or not taking any action was the thing to do. It wouldn’t be until my trusted friend or confidante would give me the solution that I wanted that I would allow myself to do it by justifying is as, “They know me really well. They are also very smart, fair, and have my best interest at heart. Since they are an objective party to my dilemma their reasoning and advice must have value.”

If we could only have enough insight into ourselves and unwavering confidence in our loved ones to tell them, “This is my dilemma. This is what I want to do. I know you may not agree with my choice at all, but I really need your support.” Instead we poll all of our friends, find the ones that agree with us, do what we wanted to do all along, and know we can go back to them for more advice or update them on the outcome knowing they are on our side.

One of my biggest eye openers this year is that it took two people to finally get through to me that I didn’t HAVE to do anything if I didn’t want to or if I simply just wasn’t ready. For whatever reason, not being ready that wasn’t even an option in my eyes. My faulty line of thinking was: I must do this, I’m scared, I’ll do it to get it over with because it seems the right thing to do. I didn’t pause to examine if my reason for being scared was one that would push me forward and help me grow or one that hold me back and cause harm. It wasn’t until I spoke to my friends that I realized it was the latter. I knew that I would have to eventually go through with the action that I was scared of, but it didn’t have to be today or even tomorrow. Instead, I waited three weeks. And during those three weeks, I mentally prepared and practiced.

What was I scared of? Everything everyone is also scared of - the truth and what is means, reality, what it might say about me as a person, being rejected, doing or saying it incorrectly or imperfectly, having a difference of opinion or perspective, or not being validated.

Stop, think, and listen to that truth you hide even yourself, especially from yourself. This shall be my new motto.

The Art of Being Lost

2010-09-16T22:15:00.000-07:00

When I was in 5th grade, one of my favorite teachers taught me that, “I don’t know,” was an acceptable answer and to not be afraid to say it. This basic lesson had to be explained to us after repeated terrified expressions of the deer-in-the-headlights variety whenever she called on us that rendered victims mute, especially since we didn’t raise our hand. Later on we learned the better thing to do would be to go find the answer, but lesson number one was there should be no shame in admitting when you don’t know something. She said it takes a strong person to admit they are weak, or have a fault, and don’t know everything. Afterall, nobody is perfect.

So I proclaim I don’t know anymore. And I’m still getting used to the idea that it’s okay to not know all the time where I’m going, where I want to be, or how to get there. This is the difficulty of too much self-awareness, living without distractions, and living a life free of self-medicating reflexes. Where do you go from here when your life has always been lived so happily, pragmatically with such a goal-oriented focus?

Also in elementary school, my best friend was straight A student. Her sister was a very average student. While her sister got tons of praise for bringing her C average up to a B average, my friend constantly got straight A’s and her parents never batted an eye. My friend almost secretly wished she was her sister. Maybe she would even go so far to let her grades drop and bring them back up again, just so her parents would appreciate all her hard work, although it is admittedly foolish. I could understand the sentiment and desperation though.

Everything is good, but not great. I’m not unhappy. I am also not overly happy for no reason like I usually am. The great news is, my closest friends couldn’t tell unless I mentioned it, so it’s obviously not that bad. I was spiritually tired, emotionally exhausted, and now in an improvement, I am etching toward just being plain bored - only a tad, a smidge - of being lost. Some days I feel fairly normal and other days maybe stretched a little thin.

Elizabeth Gilbert said that sometimes just waiting and seeing is often underestimated as a strategy. I decided to take that route - to NOT muse about how to fix feeling lost. I sit with it and accept I don’t have the answer now and may not for a couple weeks. In my quest to improve my life, the constant focus became a source of mild annoyance in and of itself. So begrudgingly I learned to accept it. I’m not sure where this will lead, but at least the burden isn’t looming over me.

The internal voice that constantly monitored if I had a solution to my woes no longer drones. My attitude now is,"So, I’m lost. Okay. Who cares? Now what? What’s next?" I finally got to this place because I eventually got fed up with myself. I always do. The pressure to be living my best life every single second is gone. In a small way, I gave myself permission - permission to not care, not stress, not fret, and not know the answer right this very second. I’m giving myself permission to say I don’t know. Maybe next month I’ll know, or at least have more perspective on how to find the answer... For now, admitting I don’t know is all I need to know. It is the answer.

Knowing Yourself is Saving Yourself & How To

2010-08-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

If you’ve been reading my blog, you may have noticed I’ve mentioned Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project a couple of times here and there. I’ve been mulling over how to improve my already good life to appreciate it more. Through her daily blog she also tackles how difficult it is to truly live a happy day every day despite knowing herself well.

One of her main obstacles was figuring out what brought her joy. I also struggled with that although I consider myself very self-aware. Sometimes knowing yourself too much limits you and leaves you stranded just as if not knowing yourself at all leaves you confused on where to start. While I know what I like, a bigger problem was finding the time when I have 10-11 hour work days.

They say the rule is 8 hours of work, 8 hours of play, and 8 hours of sleep. I try to abide by that as much as possible, but ran into how else to take advantage of my personal time and life when I had such little waking time left. As a lover of learning, growing, and taking classes (and also sleep), there are very few night classes available for anything between needing to eat dinner and driving through LA traffic.

I’m very inspired today because I’ve found a few solutions after a lot of research and experimenting. I found a gymnastics class and also an intense stretching class that is offered 4Xs a week late enough that I can attend or get a good work out even if I am a few minutes late because the class is 90 minutes long. Although I have asthma, I may have found a way to run without medications - using athletic breathing masks. I also found a lovely park near my house to rollerskate, bike ride, run, or play badminton. These are much better solutions than what I tried before.

Archery was fun but without lessons, too hard to master. Pole dancing class was too expensive and required investing many, many hours to even be proficient. My former love of hula dancing was only offered at times when I couldn’t go. Being a Big Sister during work hours through a work/community option was no longer possible for me.

As you try to figure out how to live your best life, be patient with yourself. It’s taken me weeks to even get this much progress because I had to self-reflect a lot to even know which direction I wanted to go in. Then I had to research classes and options what would work with my schedule.

If you are still searching for your self and answers, ask yourself these questions.

If you had an entire day to yourself, how would you spend it?
Do you thrive in your own company or with others?
What makes you feel alive and inspired?
Do you get more joy and satisfaction out of exercising your mind, body, or feelings?
What did you enjoy doing as a child?
What values, beliefs, and actions do you want to exercise at play and even at work?
What don’t you like and why?
What current hobbies that you have are similar to newer ones that have the same skills or traits that you might enjoy?
Do you volunteer and with what organizations?

The Hardest Task You’ll Ever Overcome

2010-08-17T18:47:00.001-07:00

In times of turmoil, despair, or confusion, the hardest task to overcome is the feeling of being helpless, lost, or uneasy. That distinct feeling of anxiety, panic, feeling nothing, feeling too much or being torn between trying to do everything and doing nothing is what I am referring. To not know what to do or to no longer feel comfortable in your own skin is scary. To no longer have clarity, peace of mind, and good sleep because it has been replaced with racing thoughts, physical discomfort of a heavy heart, a stomach as if gripped in a vice, or no appetite are the hallmarks that things are awry.

Regardless of what caused it, the hardest task will be to just sit with these feelings, thoughts, and physical ailments. It is also probably one of best things you can do. Avoidance, numbing, self-medicating or denying all of it only compounds the problem. The sooner you face everything, the faster things will resolve. In this age of instant gratification, money seeming to buy happiness, and awesome technology, it seems counter intuitive to sit back and just immerse yourself in the situation.

While friends and family will want to help you, the reality is, some things can’t be taken care of by others. You and only you alone can go through a trying experience. Only you know yourself best and how to proceed once you feel a little bit more aware and calm from whatever situation you are trying to resolve. If you can learn to face yourself, alone in the middle of the night, and accept your inner voice, the private thoughts you think, and the swirling chaos within you, you have won half the battle.

There have been times in my life where I met sheer terror through life events. In the beginning for first couple of days, the only thing I could do was sleep 3-4 hours as my life spinned out of control. The remaining waking hours were spent with heart palpitations, talking to friends trying to sort out what was going on and how I felt about everything, and vague plans for how I could fix the situation. Sometimes there was no solution. The only solution was to live with the new reality that I didn’t want to face.

Whenever I feel life couldn’t get any worse, I wallow in whatever it is I’m feeling. I’m the type that tries to get everything out of my system all at once to get it over with. If I’m sad, I’ll cry as much as I want as often as I want. Maybe it will be for 3 days, it might last 2 weeks. The point is, whatever I’m feeling, I know if I can just get through that emotion, I can find the healing place sooner. If I’m angry, I think about all the reasons why I’m angry. I read, I make lists, I solidify my arguments. My goal is to acknowledge my feelings as strongly and deeply as I can to use them as step stones to finding peace again. If I’m not hungry, maybe I’ll only eat once a day. If I’m tired, maybe I’ll sleep more as long as I’m taking care of everything that needs to be taken care of. Do what you have to in that hour to get to the next hour and to get through the day. As long as you are not being self destructive, you are doing okay.

And that’s the key, what is it that you do to relieve your stress and anxiety in a healthy way while facing your obstacles? Is it to exercise, socialize, read, or help others? Cultivate activities or minor distractions to preserve your mental and emotional state from unraveling further. Those are your strongest assets to moving on. There is nothing more precious and valuable than human capital - thinking, feeling, and reacting well during life’s most difficult moments. Learn to live with the decisions you make because only you can live your life; no one can live your life for you.

Answering Reader Mail: What Do Employers Look for in High-Level EA Candidates?

2010-08-16T14:09:00.001-07:00

“I came across your blog while surfing the net for information on high-level executive assistants. There wasn't much information out there. I found your blog very helpful. I have some experience as an executive assistant for mid-management, but I am starting to apply for jobs that support high level executives, such as CEO, Chief Counsel & managing partners. Can you tell me what they are looking for besides experience?

I am being considered as a potential candidate because I am bilingual, have a paralegal certificate and masters degree in financial analysis. Beside being a junior level EA and having multiple administrative support jobs in the past, I am not sure how I can present myself as a capable and competent EA.

Do you have any suggestions/advice for me? Thanks.”

Dear MJ,

I’m glad you enjoy my blog. I hope I can be of some help! It’s always nice to get questions from my readers! Since you asked 3 different questions, here is my advice for you.

5 Things Companies Look For Besides Experience:

Besides looking for experience, a lot of companies are looking for the right fit. Whether it be personality, management style, corporate culture fit, and likability, there’s a reason why people would rather work with someone fairly competent with a great personality versus an amazing assistant that is a Debbie Downer/etc. So how does this translate to you?

1) I’ve always found it extremely helpful to be and communicate that you are experienced, but willing to learn, be humble, and fine with doing the mundane tasks or dirty work. The goal is to be well-rounded in all aspects. If you’re afraid you’ll only be picking up dry cleaning all day, you can state what you are looking for by saying, “My background has been as an executive assistant, where 90% of my workload related to the office and 10% was personal business handling x, y, z.” Keep in mind this most likely doesn’t mean you’ll get out of picking up lunch or making coffee on occasion. In interviews I’ve said that I’ve worked for introverts and extroverts and my job is to conform to the needs of my boss. I state my job is to assimilate to what already exists at the company and to be team player and to do what is best for the company because without the company, I wouldn’t be here. So bring your experience, wisdom, and people skills to the table, but have a “I’m green, hungry for the job, I’ll hustle” attitude as well. The reality of being an EA is that while the phones, calendar, and travel are essentially the same in every office your boss and your team are always unique people with their own work styles and needs. First and foremost, your job as an EA is to master working with many different people in a customer service role, and the admin work is actually secondary.

2) Another suggestion is to be happy about working with all levels of staff from the security guard to the executives and treat them all well. This means when you show up for the interview you are courteous to everyone. Your interview starts even before you shake hands with anyone or answer an interview question. It’s not uncommon to hear others’ weighing in on what they thought of you. If appropriate and true, during the interview process, you can mention you take the time to have lunch with other assistants, interns, or other co-workers just to understand them better as people, the office environment, and pick their brain for advice. The point is to communicate you realize you are “the face of the office/company” and will ensure to put your best foot forward in all scenarios.

3) Communicate you navigate office politics well and understand seniority. This can be illustrated during the interview portion as you see fit. For example, when I’m asked how I got started and to explain my work history, I always want to tell a great story. I mention how I worked for all my CEOs because I was recruited away as a temp. I point out the only interaction I had with many of the CEOs were through their assistants by delivering memos. And they noticed that I would come in, drop off the papers, and leave. But what did this illustrate? I wasn’t there to say hello, get in “good” with the higher ups, network, or gawk at any famous people that might have been there. I was there to do my job; I didn’t loiter. And what I’d end up hearing was, the CEO’s office noticed me because I was there to do my job and only do my job. I wasn’t there to socialize or go out of my way to point out I was a temp to try to get a full-time job. I wanted to do my job well for whatever it was they hired me to do. My goal as temp was to be asked back as a temp repeatedly - that’s it. Proving I was a good temp, proved that I would be a good full-time employee.

4) As appropriate, illustrate you understand how vital discretion is. It’s perplexing to me that even during interviews, I’m actually asked point-blank if I’m very discreet and won’t share confidential information even though my career obviously illustrates I’ve been trusted and referred by some very credible people. I have even been asked about how much I socialize at work. I answered that while it is nice to have friends to go to lunch with occasionally, I mention how I was groomed the same way by all the CEO’s offices where one never knows if they befriend you at the office for hidden agendas. So I state I don’t talk about work with anyone just to be safe.

5) Learn to never say no.
One of the best traits as an executive assistant is that you never want to say no. When asked a question or a request, you want to either have the answer or get to it immediately. Exhaust all resources. One of my toughest assignments was when I had less than 24 hours to find a new location for an all-day recruiting event. The difficult part was between the 3 hour time zone difference and finding out late in the afternoon meant I really had less than a couple of hours to actually take care of it all. Luckily, I did! Phew!

3 Things To Demonstrate To Present Yourself As A Capable and Competent EA:

1) Show you have supervised others even if interns or 2nd assistants and your jobs put you on a path to constantly learn and grow

2) Have really good problem solving stories for your interview

3) Bring a portfolio of your work on Powerpoint presentations, Excel documents or legal documents that demonstrate your mastery and skills

3 Miscellaneous Suggestions and Advice:

1) When asked why you want to be an EA and how long you plan to stay, have a really good honest selling answer on why you enjoy the work. A good executive assistant is hard to find, one that will stay more than a year is even harder. It also is very helpful to have many credible referrals and recommendation letters from people that give a 360 view of who you are as a person and a professional. I often turn these extra documents in before my first interview or bring them to the interview. I also always bring many copies of my resume, cover letter, and recommendations. I've actually been interviewed panel style with4-6 people in one room.

2) Brand yourself and your specialties well from cover letter to resume to your LinkedIn profile and your entire online presence. I've actually been headhunted by my LinkedIn profile alone. I also always have the link in my email signature. Think of your unique selling point, it should be one sentence long. Mine is:

High-Level Assistant for Chairmen/CEOs of Fortune-ranked companies, including Exec Producers

3) To take your career to the next level aim by being the 1st or sole assistant to a C-Level executive at a small, but reputable company or 2nd assistant at bigger, well-known place.

Keep in touch, ask more questions, and good luck on your journey!

How to Navigate Work/Life Balance & Your Quarterlife Crisis

2010-08-12T22:38:00.000-07:00

Upon graduating from college, I spent the next 6 years or so being a workaholic. I love working and I always wanted to pay my dues and have a solid foundation early in my career. Around the 4 or 5 year mark, I found myself very tired and uneasy. The long hours without a vacation and without any balance were finally taking its toll and it’s no wonder why.

This isn’t taking into consideration that I had worked since the age of 12 first as a babysitter throughout the school year and summer jobs as a waitress at the age of 14. However, by the time I was 16 I was teaching ESL to doctors, scientists, and children along with my last years of high school doing internships as a journalist or summers as a local TV broadcaster. I was always challenging myself and had been in professional settings at a fairly young age. This obviously paid off in terms of poise, self esteem, and understanding corporate culture. I was always working with people two or three times my age where I had to hold my own. I was very often the youngest person and the only person my age or even close to my age. By my mid-twenties this all work, no play began catching up to me.

At the height of my workaholism, I was working 16 or more hours a day. I ate all meals at my desk in about 15 minutes. I only went home to sleep and shower. All my housework was done by paying others. I worked weekends. I could barely call in sick and was too busy to go on vacation. When I was so stressed I needed a break, I could only call my best friend at the oddest hours. I was so exhausted I spent all my free time sleeping and maybe reading because that was as much as I could handle.

When I started to realize my life was literally passing me by and all of my days were looking the same, I started to make small changes to make myself happier. So many questions went through my mind. Is this all there is to life? Just working? And then I die? Is this all it will be day in and day out? I started to go out even if it meant leaving work at 11pm and being out for a couple of hours and barely getting enough sleep. After a few weeks of this, my body gave out. So then I had to think about what to do to change things. The more I thought about it, as much as I loved my job, I realized I need a new one that provided work life balance. So I quit my job.

I spent the next four months resting, soul-searching, temping here and there and took a 2 week vacation. It took me the entire four months to unwind and finally feel normal. I had a better idea of what I wanted out of my next job. It did take me a couple of years to finally land where I wanted to be since I first realized I needed to make a change.

Here are things to keep in mind as you transition.

1) Be patient with yourself. Cultivate a strong mind and emotional attitude as you go on this new journey. Sleep well, exercise, eat healthy, and get the support of your friends and family.

2) Know what you like and dislike about your job and life. Know yourself well. Take personality tests to figure out the best careers for you. Read The Power of Story by Jim Loehr. Write a list of 3-5 items of what you must have in a job and will not accept. (For example - a long commute, working more than X amount of hours, etc.) The rest should be open to compromise.

3) Plan small steps to get to where you want to go. Some of them might include taking new or refresher courses, doing informational interviews, networking, and volunteering.

4) Have a huge savings account to get you through your transition period. Many people take the first job offered to them because they have no money.

5) When you succeed in making your transition know what you want to do with your newfound free time. Maybe you want to take art classes, date, make new friends, or take more weekend trips. Learn to purse your personal goals as well as your professional ones.

The Beauty of Life

2010-08-09T18:33:00.000-07:00

In Gretchen Rubin’s, The Happiness Project, she embarks on a year-long journey to further appreciate her life and be happy. Mind you, she is already happy with a wonderful husband, 2 beautiful kids, a job she loves, and has everything she could ever desire. But she doesn’t feel as grateful as she thinks she should be. She didn’t want to live her life and some catastrophe happen to look back and realize how truly happy she was earlier, if she only knew how to enjoy it THEN.

One of the many many things she does is read about death and other horrible topics as part of her exercise. I have been doing that too. Sometimes I find myself being able to relate well to what has been written and find comfort that many of the human experiences are the same. Sometimes, it becomes too much and I need a break from it. To counteract my sorrows, I thought about what brings me joy.

Although I am not very creative or imaginative in the artistic sense, I do find great joy in the talents of others precisely because I know I lack them. To be moved and inspired by others is one of the most profound experiences I have been most grateful for. I wish I had more moments like it.

I am a big fan of classical music, movies, and non-fiction. Most of my iTunes collection is relaxing classical music. I read 2-3 books at a time. And have been known to finish 3 books in week. I work in the film industry and will watch anything if a friend wants to go to the theatre. I’m by no means an expert in any of these areas. I love the mainstream stuff and only know a few works that may be common knowledge to aficionados. I just thoroughly enjoy having my thoughts and emotions exercised, moved, and affected. That connection to a song, word, or person is what makes me feel alive.

When I first heard Vitali Chaconne, my life changed in an instant. By this point, I had a rather large classical music collection. I had been listening to KUSC, our local classical radio station, for a couple of years. I had never heard Vitali Chaconne and from the first few notes I felt I was in a trance. The first few bars are barely perceptible. The melody starts and it’s haunting, full of sorrow, dramatic, yet hopeful. The notes rise up, then go quiet. It is both powerful and delicate, light, and graceful. It feels bold, maddening, relaxing and defeated at different parts. The piece is almost 10 minutes long and by the end of the first minute I was actually crying my eyes out in the car as I was driving. I felt both embarrassed and lucky to have reacted the way I did. I was so in awe, so majestically at one with the music. I had never heard anything like it and my body felt electrified in a hyper-aware state as each note played out. It is now my favorite classical song.

Aside from Vitali Chaconne, I have been moved in equal measure in the first few words of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. I cried my eyes out upon first hearing the Swell Season’s song Happiness. Avatar, The Hangover, Wall-E, and Toy Story 3 were grippingly moving, amusing, funny, and touching.

I contemplated the almost-religious experience of Vitali Chaconne and wrote the following quote:

“There is no greater joy or beauty in life than hearing, reading, or seeing for the first time what will become a favorite song, book, or movie. Nothing can rival the uninitiated mind as being moved to such great lengths in an instant.”

That’s what’s also so fleeting about life. The first time experience of anything can never be repeated again with that same person, song, book, or movie. The novelty, the newness, the virginity of it all can never be recaptured. The second time around you know what’s coming, it’s expected, it’s no longer fresh to your mind, your senses. How untouchable it all seems. I can only hope I will have a thousand more moments...

On Life & Taking a Risk

2010-08-05T18:36:00.000-07:00

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted" -Randy Pausch

There was a time in my life when I decided to take a huge risk. The memory seems like a lifetime ago. I’m extremely, extremely risk averse so this was unlike me. And even as I sat there in the middle of a deep conversation, my mind actually said, “There’s a very high risk in what you’re about to engage in.” In fact, my mind said it more than once that night and it was crystal clear in each of those instances. I remember them distinctly. The thoughts were a flash, a mere split second, but I was too enthralled, too enraptured. But they did in fact register in my consciousness. I decided to forgo taking the safe route for once. And later on, that night or another day, somewhere inside me, I used logic to address those split-second hesitations and reason my way through the different scenarios that might take place. I finally told myself, “Yes, it’s a huge gamble. I’d rather be wrong than live with the regret of what if... If you’re going to take one risk, this is the risk worth taking.”

That big risk I banked on did not turn out the way I had hoped. Did I get a lot out of it? Yes. Did I get what I ultimately wanted out of it? No. And it’s not so much that I am mad at myself for taking that risk and that huge leap of faith, but perhaps more so that subsequent actions were made with too much optimism, even though I would mentally note each aberration that may not have been a good sign. For such a huge risk, I calculated the first major decision well. But I didn’t know how or didn’t know any better to handle and weigh the tinier pieces of information that followed, that may have been helpful in influencing following decisions. I duly noted each questionable or eyebrow-raising moment whether mentally or written. But since everything was fine and things were progressing extremely well, I believed I had no use for all the collected tid bits of random information. Perhaps the mere existence of them should have been my first clue that something could become amiss. I honestly didn’t know. Where does one draw the line when life and humanity are never perfect? The gray areas are so tricky and of course hindsight is 20/20. When is preventative action wise and correct, versus overly careful, limiting and rigid? When is something an actual mistake instead of a passage through learning, growing up, and becoming wiser?

During the whole debacle, which at its worst dragged on for a couple of weeks, someone I didn’t know well, but who knew the details of my ordeal very well actually said to me, “I wish I had that problem!” At the time, in my grumpiness and helplessness, I was almost insulted at that comment. While they did not mean to be dismissive of my predicament or feelings, and the tone was certainly not so, I brushed it aside as being less than insightful. The message of “be thankful for your problems” was one I did not want to hear.

However, it is true that the problem I was having could be viewed by others as complimentary or flattering, perhaps even an embarrassment of riches. That acquaintance could only dream to be in the position I was in, as truly miserable as I was. In looking back, I tried to see the bright side of it all, while I still grappled with the fallout.

Luckily, the damage was relatively minuscule in comparison. Although, my private hell lingered faintly like ghostly wisps of smoke long after the devastation. In reality, I didn’t lose money. I didn’t ruin my credibility. And I didn’t lose my health. I had seen worse and endured much more, though it was so long ago that this event seemed more overwhelming. I was really, really stressed out, frustrated, and upset for awhile. For two whole days, I was completely out of sorts. In the grand scheme of things, this was something I obviously needed to learn, very urgently and quickly before it was too late. The long-term ripples of my big risk actually reaped more good than bad. It was very hard to swallow since what I really wanted, I didn’t get. As much as I hated going through it, it happened for a reason and I did make that choice. This lesson has and will positively reverberate my entire lifetime; that was the sole huge consolation prize.

In trying to salvage the experience, the question I asked myself was, “HOW was it worth it?” not “Was it worth it?” or “Did I regret my decision?” In understanding HOW it was worth it, I was able to learn something about the experience. Sometimes that may take a long time. I’m sure years from now I’ll still happen upon clarity and wisdom in moments of silent reflection or when a memory is inexplicably triggered. For some time I had to search and put the pieces of the puzzle together. I understood the disappointing outcome on a logical level, but that is often not enough. After much reflection, research, and distance, I learned I wouldn’t have gotten what I wanted anyway. I’m 1000% sure it was not meant to work out although facing that reality was painful. I came to comprehend the best-case scenario was the lesson would have been a little less heart-wrenching and unexpected had I treaded lightly.

In the end, everything is at least half my fault, if not more. In Donald Trump’s first book, he always made decisions by imagining the very worst possible outcome and seeing if he could live with it. Oddly, I had always done that myself in all areas of my life and continue to do so. I did it with the same scenario mentioned above. I gave 150% of myself, I didn’t hold back, and I didn’t second-guess myself. I went all in. However, the lesson became: It’s good to take a calculated risk. I am so very proud of myself for trying to live outside my comfort zone to take a chance. I should learn to still say yes and and not rush in, jumping eagerly into a new journey. Risk big with many alert, small, slow steps and act accordingly. And most of all, try not to fear the old adage: “Experience is the worst teacher. It always gives the test first, and the lesson afterwards.”

5 Ways to Make Your Office More Inviting

2010-08-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

Having an inviting office is key for any assistant. It helps to act as a social lubricant and make others feel welcome. Here are 5 tips you may find useful.

1) Have extra supplies on your desk - For any office I inhabit, my desk has two sets of supplies laid out on my desk. On the outer edges of my desk, I place extra pens, pencils, highlighters, ruler, scissors, tape, tissue, stapler, Post-it notes, staple remover, lotion, hand sanitizer, and an extra phone if possible. The reason why I do this because there’s always that office guest or executive that wants to borrow my stuff and they either run off with it or have to come around to my side of the desk where important documents may lie or where they can see my computer screen. They also want to make a quick phone call and if they were to use my phone I can’t grab other lines if they were to ring. Having the extra set of supplies for them makes it so much easier for them to do any final stapling or leaving notes for my executive. They are always so happy to have their own section of supplies and an area of my desk to do what they need to without interrupting me to ask for stuff.

2) Have personal photos - I always place 7-10 small photo frames in a very visible, front area part of my office or desk. The photos are me with friends, families, or something that highlights my personal life. A lot of the times, people passing my office will see the photos and come over to look at them and start asking questions. Sometimes they are total strangers visiting our offices or co-workers I barely work with. I find it’s a good ice breaker and a way for people to get to know me or me to get to know them, especially if they are waiting for my boss to wrap up a meeting and are bored.

3) Have a candy dish on your desk - Having a candy dish on your desk is key, especially putting it in a spot where people will be forced to say quick hello when they take a piece of candy. The trick is to encourage people to take as much as they want and to come back and visit. LOL People inevitably ask if they can have a piece and I always reply that it’s there for them! I make it a point to never buy the same treat once I run out. Sometimes I even take suggestions and I really try to vary the treats. I’ll go from chocolate to mints to gummies, etc. I make sure whatever they take is small, bite size, and can be easily eaten. Lollipops aren’t good because they take too long to eat. I also try to buy things that are atypical. Sometimes I bring in Japanese candy that everyone would like - for example, candy that tastes like Coke or Sprite. Free candy is just another way to spark conversation and make people feel cared for.

4) Have a community decoration wall or door - I have a large bulletin board on my desk that has my favorite quotes and cute animals plastered on there. If you don’t have wall space, perhaps your office door can work too. The idea is to allow people to contribute their favorite quote or pet to your wall. I think this is something anyone can relate to or can comment on. People do actually bring photos in or their favorite quote. Later on, when they come back they are so pleased to see that I did put up their contribution. I once had a co-worker I didn’t know come to read my wall. She loved one quote so much because her best friend just went through a terrible break up. So, I did the only thing I could that felt right - I gave her the quote to give to her friend. My co-worker was so touched and so grateful beyond what I had expected. I assured her it would be totally fine, I could just print another one out and replace it. It was nice to make her day and hopefully her friend’s too. The wall then becomes a focal point in the office. People gather around it and point out their contribution or hear about another executive’s fave quote or pet. It gives a lot of insight into your department. Others can feel they though co-workers a lot better because it is now a public space to share.

5) Use your office space to give out freebies - If you’re an assistant, it’s very likely that you will have to set up a lunch and there is food left over from it. Instead of taking it into the kitchen, take the 10 minutes to bring the food to your desk area and personally call or email people to come get the freebies. The point here is to call people that you want to express gratitude to or you want to forge a good relationship with - other assistants, security guards, mailroom staff, janitorial crew, etc. By calling people specifically, you are saying I thought of you, I thought you might like this surprise treat, only those I select are getting the freebies. This translates to you are important, I value you, thank you for everything. By asking people to come to your desk you can make sure that they realize they isn’t enough food to go around to everyone and it’s a chance for you to say a quick hello as they pick out food they want. It’s always nice to make people feel special! Sometimes if I can, I will personally make a plate of food and walk it out to the security guards since I know they can’t leave their post. I first will call them though and tell them all the yummy food I have and get their requests on which items they want.

The bottom line is, being an assistant is very much a customer service role. Little tweaks here and there can make a big difference for guests and colleagues!

Mentoring & Stories We Tell Ourselves

2010-08-03T18:45:00.000-07:00

Ever since I was teen, I lived by the following stories about myself that helped me navigate life, and later on, my career.

1) I’m lucky.
2) I create my own luck.
3) Life is what you make it.
4) You always have a choice, even if you may not like the choices.
5) Everything is half my fault, if not more.

As you can see, much of the stories I told myself were a mix of optimism, realism, and good ol’ hard work.

I’m lucky could be seen in anything from being blessed to be born in America, a free country, to everything from my parents who put their daughters through college although they weren’t grads themselves.

I create my own luck was a mantra I told myself that meant all the small tiny actions I took today would somehow pay off in 6 months or years from now in so many ways I wouldn’t even realize. I think this helped groom some patience in me. I always tried to take the right steps and tell myself great results take a long time.

Life is what you make it is just that. My high school senior English teacher lived by the phrase Carpe Diem - seize the day!

In fact, my 5th grade teacher also taught us you always have a choice even if you may not like it. While many of us think we have to do things, the reality is, we do them because we want to - maybe not with joy, but we see the consequences of not doing something is worse. In elementary school, that 5th grade teacher said we came to school because we wanted to, not because we had to. We thought on that for awhile since we all felt we came because we had to. She got us thinking: Well, I walked to school or took the bus. I could have just as easily walked to the park instead or not gotten on the bus and ditched school. If I did that though, my parents would find out and get really mad. And then I’d get grounded and I couldn’t see my friends or do fun stuff. And while it would have been years before we could have learned anytime we act out or rebel it only hurts ourselves, our critical thinking skills had already been triggered. Oh how I consider myself so lucky to have such great teachers all my life! :)

Everything is half my fault, if not more... That lesson I oddly learned from Oprah. LOL I remember watching a show about people with unfaithful partners who continued to stay or date similar types of people. Oprah’s point was, if you stay, you’re to blame, not your partner - even though what they did was wrong. If you continue to seek out or end up with the same kind of people, you’re also to blame because you’re not seeing the signs or you’re allowing yourself to make the same mistakes repeatedly. I remember thinking it was a pretty harsh view, most likely because I wasn’t that age where dating was a big part of my life. Nonetheless, the older I got, I did realize I have a choice - stay or leave.

Because I had these and many other stories largely to the credit of other people, I never paused to think how much they shaped my life, much less that they existed as mantras until I started mentoring other people. In mentoring others, it’s a lot of clarifying what you believe and dispensing advice. But first you must actually take a moment to figure out what your message is, why you believe it, and then how to deliver it along with exact steps to carry it out to get the desired results. This is one of the reasons I enjoy mentoring, it’s an exercise in self-knowledge, teaching, and giving back to someone.

This leads me to my newest revelation. If you aren’t creating new mantras for yourself or you can’t even remember the old mantras that worked for you, something’s wrong and you’re stagnating.

So I was stagnating, or more accurately, I was stagnating because I was tired. And I wasn’t tired in the sense that I need more sleep. I was tired emotionally, psychologically, or as others’ may say - spiritually exhausted. If you find yourself relating to all this, I can only say what I’m planning on doing - take as much “me time,” relaxing, and resting time I need on a daily and long term basis, really cater to myself and what I want to do to rejuvenate (reading, thinking, seeing movies), not fret so much about being in this lull, and continue to sleep, eat, and socialize as I have been while going to work. I am trying to live my life each day like a mini vacation because I realize that is what I need. The last thing I need is to over-extend myself, say yes to everything, take on new outside interests, and spread myself thin. I know with time my spiritual energy will return and I will go back to living my other mantras that I’ve dearly missed... (Note to Future Self: It only takes one and it only takes an instant for it to appear!)

If you don't know what you want

2010-06-16T18:12:00.000-07:00

you don't know what you have. For the first time in about a decade and a half, I find myself thinking I should be even more grateful and appreciative than I usually am. This new found sense of "I should realize how truly lucky I am" is both annoying and amusing to me because I feel stuck.

I know myself so well and have no reason to complain that I don't "want" for many things. Sure, it would be nice to win the lottery so I can just volunteer forever, but barring that, I'm great. Yet, because I don't know what I want because I seemingly have everything, I also can't see what I have and what else I need. I'm lost on where I should be headed or what I should be working on or toward. I'm left with the feeling of "now what?"

A part of me wants to wallow is this being stuck phase to not fear it, embrace it, and work through it. The other part of me wants to be Type A about it and apply everything I read in Gretchen Rubin's book, The Happiness Project. The answer probably lies somewhere in the middle, but it's striking to me that I don't know how I want to feel about it or how to "solve" it. It's like I recognize that I don't know that I don't know, even though I know. LOL :)

At the very least in all of this, I'm sleeping well, eating well, exercising, socializing, going about my day per usual. This source of mild annoyance and amusement mostly only permeates my thinking when I first wake up and before I go to bed. The rest of my day is too busy or too fun, yet in quiet moments of solitude when I normally think about how else I want to live my life with purpose and intention, this current struggle arises.

I would truly love to be Elizabeth Gilbert and go away like in Eat, Pray, Love. She took what almost looked like a vacation from life itself, not just work. She reveled in being her and discovering herself and the world. She had no obligations whatsoever and that freed her to truly listen to herself without any distractions.

Answering Reader Mail: How to Be A Great Gatekeeper

2010-03-05T12:33:00.000-08:00

A friend of a friend wrote the following email. "I've been working for my boss for 4 years and he is very happy with me. Yet, there is one thing that has been brought up for a couple of years now and I seemingly have not mastered that yet. I need to learn how to be a better gatekeeper. In the beginning my boss had an open door policy, but that seems not to be suitable anymore. The workload has increased and my boss can't be constantly interrupted. If you could give me your insight on that particular issue that would be great."

Dear BH,

What a great question! Here is my advice to you.

1) As an executive assistant/gatekeeper, you should always know where your boss is and what they are doing. Your number one goal is to constantly be aware. To be a great gatekeeper you have to be informed and alert. When people start walking anywhere near your desk or your boss's desk, always look up from the computer and make eye contact or give a verbal acknowledgment. This should start as soon as anyone is about 5ft away. Granted, you'll sometimes look up and people are just walking by, but if you don't start engaging someone before they get too close you'll find they will walk right past you and walk into your boss' office since they are used to the open door policy. So it is your job to look up, say hi, maybe chat a little, and ask if they need your boss. If they do and you know your boss can't see them say any of the following:

I'm so sorry. He's:

on a conference call.
wrapping up a meeting.
on a deadline right now.
in the middle of a project.
not available right now.
visiting/checking in on his direct reports.

Then ask:
How much time do you need? 2 min, 10 min, 30 min or an hour?
How urgent is it? Can he get back to you this by the end of today, tomorrow, the week?
What is it regarding, which project?

And get back to them as appropriate. Even if you don't have an answer yet feel free to write an email three days in a row saying:

I haven't forgotten about you. I'm still finding your answer/a good time to squeeze you in. Feel free to check back with me frequently.

2) To be a gatekeeper, you should be at your desk as much as possible especially when you are still training your co-workers and colleagues about the new unspoken closed door policy. The only time you should leave your desk is for lunch, to use the restroom, and for any requests your boss makes of you directly. The more often you are gone for 10 min here or 30 min there the more chances anyone can walk into your boss' office because they think it's still okay.

3) If you find that your boss is very busy and doesn't want to see someone a good tactic is getting into the habit of escorting people around. What I mean by this is slyly physically blocking or encouraging someone to take your lead and follow you where you want them to. For example:

Say you know a particular person can be quite pushy. As soon as they start walking toward your desk or your boss' office get out from behind your desk and start walking toward them to greet them. Try to make them stop and engage them to talk to you by saying, "Did you need _________?"

If they say yes, tell them "Give me a second and let me go see if he's free" and hopefully they stay put.

Even if they try to follow you or barge in, still go into your boss' office and announce their presence even though that person is standing right next to you. Say, "_________ is here to see you. Is now a good time?"

And your boss can say yes or no.

If your boss says no it's now your job as the MESSENGER/ESCORT to say, "Why don't you follow me to my desk and I'll try to find a better time for you," thus leading them out of your boss' office.

The goal is for YOU to be the FIRST AND LAST person anyone ever deals with regarding your boss. This can be as minute as saying hello and goodbye and walking them to the front door or hallway. This trains anyone that you are the gatekeeper.

Escorting also helps you get more face time with your boss to get answers you need when he already has a packed schedule. A good tactic is to walk him to and from scheduled meetings. That usually takes 2-5 minutes and you are able to ask questions as you walk and talk. It should go without saying that you should not follow your boss if you think he may be going to the restroom or coming back from the restroom.

4) Always be humble, apologetic, and validate the other person's request to see your boss, especially if the meeting has already been set and you have to cancel. Oftentimes, being a great gatekeeper means having to say "things changed," "not right now," a lot or even no, but without making them feel less important or saying no outright. To do this always be firm, but full of sorrow and regret. You can say the following.

"Oh I'm so sorry. I know you're really busy too and you need _________. Let me see if I can move things around."

Sometimes you can, sometimes you can't, but you want to communicate that you will try.

"__________ isn't available right now, but I'll be sure to tell him you stopped by. I hate to have inconvenienced you. Many apologies."

"There's been a last-minute change in his schedule. We feel terrible."

5) When all else fails and your boss is really on a tight deadline, he or you should close his door for a set amount of time - an hour, three hours and the both of you should discuss who he can be interrupted for. If your boss doesn't already have a VIP list of people who ALWAYS have access to him, start drafting that now. It can include anyone such as his boss, investors, his family, or specific people that are working on the same project he is.

Hopefully you already answer the phone for your boss and and all meeting requests automatically come to you. As gatekeeper, you should control the flow of communication and time management of your boss' schedule with his input. Oftentimes, as the gatekeeper, you have even a larger portion of control with what's going on because only you know the minute details of what's going to happen later in the day or next week. Mutual trust and cooperation between you and your boss are key to finding the right rhythm and style for the both of you. I hope this helps, BH!

Chatroulette as a Tool for Self Discovery & Introspection

2010-03-01T11:29:00.000-08:00

I started seeing articles about Chatroulette a week ago and started skimming them over. It wasn't until Ashton Kutcher started using it that I decided to take a peek based on the article wondering if he could do for Chatroulette what he did for Twitter. Before I delved in, I read a couple more articles and finally jumped in. (For anyone unfamiliar with Chatroulette, the novelty of it is to be paired up with random strangers all over the world for webcam and text chat sessions. It's a bare-bones operation. The only function there is, is the ability to hit "NEXT" to move on to the next stranger. Also be warned, it's not for minors - there's too much unnecessary nudity whether as pranks or purposeful.)

I was sick all weekend and figured now was the time to try it since I had nothing to do and was extremely bored after being a homebody. It was quite an interesting and even jarring experience. This is what to expect and what I learned about myself...

1) If you're extremely cautious, Chatroulette might not be for you.

To use your webcam, you have to realize people may take screenshots or record the chat sessions. So as soon as you are connected to someone they have access to your image, voice, and video - even if only for those 5 seconds before either one of you hits next. Funny or odd chat sessions end up pasted on the web for the world to see, fortunately or unfortunately.

2) It's a test in rejection and patience.

When I first logged on, the first few people had video cameras but the screen was all black either because the camera hadn't kicked in or they were really sitting in the pitch black. All those people I just nexted since I couldn't tell if it was a technical glitch. I started seeing way too much nudity so I would hit next as well. And then, I started to get rejected. And I would wonder - is it my looks, does my babyface make me look younger, do people think I don't speak English because I'm Asian? LOL (I only saw a handful of Asians online.) So when you realize this is how it works, the first five seconds you're connected to someone new, both parties usually just sit there blinking and staring back. And I realized we're both waiting for the other person to either hit next or finally say hi. LOL

3) Chat sessions vary in length and are pretty mundane.

When you're not hitting next for 15 minutes, you finally land in a chat session where someone wants to chat. My longest session was probably 15 minutes and it's the typical - where are you from, what time is it there? It's very much a Seinfeld episode.

I once chatted with 4 college boys and they jokingly started the session by saying, "Herro." I laughed and said, "I speak English! I'm in Cali" and it turned out they were from Santa Barbara. It was an okay conversation. Chatroulette is very much a novelty item that wears off after trying it for a day or two.

4) The connection is a bit unstable sometimes.

Be prepared to have a nice normal conversation and then your webcam freezes or your text box won't work anymore. And then you're forced to hit next or visit the home page again thus losing the connection. And once that happens, there's no being able to find that stranger again. That wasn't such a big deal because I didn't really see the need or have the desire to keep in touch with random strangers, but I realized I felt SO BAD thinking they thought I rejected them or just outright ditched them mid-way thru a conversation.

5) Be mindful of what your webcam can see.

During a session when my webcam worked, but my text field didn't, I resorted to writing something down and then showing my pad of paper to the camera so they would realize I was having technical difficulties. I'd write things like, "frozen" "can't type" and eventually "bye? :(" A minute later, I realized the pad of paper I chose was my old work stationery that had my full name on it and (old) work phone number. Granted, the likelihood of that guy saving our chat session or seeing that information is unlikely, but it gave me pause to what else might be in the background of my webcam. Luckily, I was at my dining room table so the most comments I got were "nice microwave" because that's all they could see.

These are the thoughts that went thru my mind during my experience.

-You look young. If you look or are under 21, I don't need to talk to you.

-Am I one of the oldest people on here? Everyone looks like a teen or a college student. I'm defintely not.

-Will I find someone in Los Angeles, someone I know, or get paired with a celebrity?

-How many non-English speakers are on here?! (I spoke to some people in China who couldn't really understand English although he could type "You are very cute." So we chatted in Japanese. He was also married and his wife and friends were in the room so I waved hello. LOL)

-Even if you ask nicely, no nudity here.

-Where are all the normal non-drunk, non-high people?

-I think I'm too boring for this site. Or maybe it's because I'm sober.

So try Chatroulette for fun if you're really bored. And listen to all the questions you ask yourself quietly when you hit next, or when the stranger decides to skip over you.

Answering Reader Mail: Before I Move to LA

2010-01-15T14:52:00.000-08:00

MJ recently wrote me and asked, "I want to start on a road similar to the one you started about nine years ago. Move to LA and get a job in the industry. My question to you is is there anything else I can do or should be doing in my time before moving to LA that will make it easier for me to get a job when I am there? Any feedback or insight you can provide me would be greatly appreciated."

Dear MJ,

Thank you so much for reading my blog. I am glad you enjoy it. I hope I can be of help and that you find what you are looking for once you move here.

Here are a few things I suggest.

1) Meet a lot of people who are/were in the industry and pick their brains.

The goal of this project isn't so much to network, but to gather information via informational interviews. The point of the informational interview is to find out how they got started, what advice they would give you, get realistic expectations of what your first job in the industry could be, get a feel for what to expect, have them critique your resume, and really gauge if it's something you want to do. The entertainment industry isn't for the faint of heart and the competition will be tough. The more people you meet and the more well-rounded view you get, the better off you are. You'll learn that if people can and want to help you, they will offer it as well. However, always keep in mind that you are there to LEARN from them and their experiences regardless of which position they had or which part of the industry they worked in.

2) If you aren't doing the EXACT job you already want in Hollywood, sometimes starting out as an assistant really is the way to get to the top. So, try to get on a good fast-paced busy desk, preferably related to Hollywood, if not, at least a solid assistant gig.

Obviously, the best way to get any job at a new company, is to have already done the very same thing at a different or a comparable company. Failing that, try to get the job one rank lower than the one you want. But since Hollywood has no set career path...

Regardless if you want to be on the creative or business side of Hollywood, a lot of people have worked and clawed their way to the top via talent agency mailrooms or being an assistant. It takes a lot of humility to get someone coffee and stand a copy machine for 2 hours a day. The benefit of being someone's office assistant and not a PA is that being in an office or corporate environment warrants you to be a little be more polished, professional, and have basic business acumen. It demonstrates that you can be the face of the company, work with all levels and backgrounds of people, and can do basic admin tasks really well under pressure. It isn't a joke when one is asked in a job interview if you know how to roll calls.

3) Understand the LA culture and the city's infrastructure and how it will affect your daily life.

The realities of living in LA are sometimes a shock to people that move here. The public transportation is lacking, traffic is really horrendous, and how far you live away from where you are trying to land a job can sometimes be a factor. People are notoriously flaky, if your friends live far away - chances are you'll never see them, you MUST have a car to live here. On the flip side, the weather is great, there is a lot to do, and it's a very diverse city.

Have an idea which part of the LA county you want to live in, know how much rent you can afford, and which companies you want to work at and where they are located.

4) Grow your network and spread the word you are looking to relocate to LA.

Your best bet on finding a job is through people you already know or people you can forge strong ties with - this includes family, friends, people from church, your university, any sports teams you play on, etc... People who know you well and can vouch for you are more likely and able to help you out the best. And you never know when someone you know, knows someone else who may be able to help you.

Don't neglect using sites like Brazen Careerist, LinkedIn, Monster, Facebook, Twitter, and Meetup to find people who can help you, who you can help, and people with your same questions.

5) Learn to cultivate hope, strength, and re-evaluation skills. Read a lot of industry & business books.

Because competition is so fierce, it's important to stay mentally and emotionally strong. It's equally crucial to constantly re-evaluate what's working in your life and career and what's not working. Everything that happens at work you bring home and everything that happens at home you bring to work. Since this blog is more about career, I'll stick to the basic tasks such as always updating your resume, being aligned with your career goals, staying in touch with your network, and finding ways to learn new skills, meet new people, or understand your role and how it fits into your department, company, and Hollywood.

The #1 book I recommend to you and someone in your situation: Good In A Room by Stephanie Palmer

Bouncing Back

2009-12-22T14:43:00.000-08:00

This weekend I went to my first Cirque Du Soleil show - Kooza - in Santa Monica. It was the very last show of the tour, on the very last day, at the very last show time, 5pm. I had a great time with my date and ran through the whole gamut of emotions. The most exciting parts were the tight rope walk and the cylinder performers.

For each of those stunts, as practiced and polished the performers were, the highlights of each act were when the tight rope walker lost his balance and almost fell, but caught himself, or when the cylinder runner almost tripped on his own feet and could've fallen from two stories up without any safety precautions to save him. My date and I were talking about how each mistake made the feat more impressive because they almost did fall or perhaps die, but each time, they shook it off and righted themself and tried again. Such pressure for the Cirque performers on their very last show... We had more respect and were in awe of watching them recover and do it perfect the second time, then if they were to do it perfectly the first time.

And that to me is what life is all about. As adults and non-perfect beings, what matters is bouncing back. That's what counts. Everyone makes mistakes. How do you recover? How do you learn? How do you move on? How do you forgive/forget? How do you prevent the same thing from happening again? That is what matters. That is what makes us human. That is what redeems us.

As I go through life and sometimes stumble or wonder what I could do differently, I already know I did the best I could, at that time, with the information and knowledge I had then. No regrets. Should I make another similar mistake, my goal is to analyze what was slightly different, what didn't I catch, and how can I think it through and act differently this time?

All too often as I commiserate with my friends over life's dilemmas, I rejoice in how well I know myself, what I want, and how proactive I try to be in getting myself to where I want to be. All too often, not knowing is the first dilemma. Without that foundation, one is muddling through life.

I'm bouncing back and things are great. I only hope -------l is also. I wish you great things, great lessons, and great happiness for the holiday season and new year. Life is too short to be lost.

Faith is Half.com (Why Half.com is my Best Friend)

2009-12-10T21:49:00.000-08:00

I just ordered the book HOW TO STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING by Dale Carnegie. A good friend of mine just finished it and spoke highly of it. The great news is, I have one of the main concepts down - imagine the worst-case outcome of an ordeal and figure out how you can move on from there. I've been doing that all my life, unknowingly. After reading books by Donald Trump, I realized he does the same too, especially when making business decisions. However, this doesn't mean I don't ever worry. I've cut down a lot since a teenager. I now try to severely limit wasting any emotional energy on things I can't control.

I bought the book today because it made me think of a concept I've read about recently. I can't remember which book since I read 3-4 at a time. Anyway, the concept mentioned bad times won't last forever and good times won't either; life is always in a state of change and flux. So then it dawned on me that while I've learned to stop worrying about scenario A, B, or C - the very slight annoyance I get with my private life now comes down to how do I reframe an inkling of a worry when I don't know what's going on due to a lack information from the person/event I'm worried about.

I'll give you a real life example. I live in Los Angeles and the running joke is everyone is flaky. Of course being the person I am, I'm usually 15 minutes early to meet friends. So when people are late, I've actually been sitting there a really long time. And when someone is 5 minutes late, I wonder where they are. When they are 10 minutes late I want to call them. But I want to give them the benefit of the doubt and I wonder why they haven't called me. And when they are 15 minutes late I wonder if they are even going to show because who doesn't call when they are running late?! They probably forgot our dinner for all I know. (I will call after 15 min though.)

I also worry if they got in a car accident or are tied down/super stressed at work and totally lost track of time or if an emergency arose. However, while sitting there for 30 minutes I always debate with myself HOW should I feel - annoyed, worried, angry, calm, or happy to have extra time for myself?

I've trained myself to not think anything until my friend shows up or calls because I want to have the "fair/justified" reaction. What ends up happening is I text friends and kill time while refraining very hard from having any reaction because everyone's allowed to be late on occasion even though I try never to be.

One time me and a group of friends were expecting 2-3 others and they never showed up. We called and left a message and kept calling because their behavior was highly unusual. We finally heard back a couple days later and while their reasoning was understandable they didn't show, I thought it was incredibly rude to fall off the face of the earth for that long. At least send a text! "I can't come. Something came up. Can't explain now. Touch base with you on Tuesday."

From the time I realize a situation is "out of place" to when I know why and what caused it is the conundrum. When people semi-disappear I worry a little because I don't know what is what. I want to give people space, breathing room, and don't want to add any more stress to their life; I get the world doesn't revolve around me. I also wonder how I can help. Then I wonder if I need to think about implementing those strategies I devised when I decided NOT to worry and envisioned THE WORST THING POSSIBLE happening. If the other party can't or won't communicate with me, when do I know it's time to put my strategy to use and move on with my life?

I'm very good at closure and being proactive in life. I'm less great at waiting, being kept in the dark, and wondering. How long is too long to wait for an explanation that may never come because someone is busy, depressed, or being evasive? And to make myself feel better and not fear the worst, I buy books like Dale Carnegie's and write posts like this. :) See - I feel better already. I just hope *******L is fine.

Google Voice: Wave of the Future & Love at First Sight

2009-10-03T16:48:00.000-07:00

I love Google. I FINALLY got my new Google Voice number. It's invite only and low and behold, I got home late last night and saw in my Google mail box that I was granted to pick my own phone number! After searching for a really long time (an hour), I finally picked the perfect number. I'm very pleased as it has meaning and is easy for me to remember, and should be for those that know me well! ;)

I played with my Google Voice account for a couple of hours. Testing it, seeing how it worked, reading online about all the cool features. I am just blown away by the speed, reliability, innovation, and endless possibilities. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!

For those of you unfamiliar with Google Voice, it's a free service where you can pick your own phone number that will ring any of your other phones - cell, home, work, etc... so that people don't have to try calling you at all your different numbers or keep updating their address books any time you move. All voicemails are transcribed to emails and you can keep them forever!

http://www.google.com/googlevoice/about.html

They also have a widget feature online so people can call you directly without you having to reveal your phone number. Just embed the widget on your business website, blog, or personal home page. People can call you directly without your privacy or safety being in danger. (You can pick an area code anywhere in the USA even if you don't live there.)

There are so many features that I haven't even explored yet - conference calls, switching phones in the middle of call, and perhaps even doing your laundry! ;)

Get your Google Voice number now! You don't want to have to buy one off eBay for $1000, now do you?

The Pitfalls of Working in the Entertainment Industry

2009-09-24T11:36:00.001-07:00

I think most people within the industry and outside of it can be blinded by the glitz and the glamour of what we do at work each day. There's horror stories, drama, and no shortage of problems that give us pride when we are able to solve them and overcome insurmountable obstacles. The industry isn't for the faint of heart and it takes a particular personality to survive it. The pitfall is revealed once a person leaves their oyster or tries to explore life outside of Hollywood and the entertainment industry. I'll give you three examples.

1) A friend of mine in marketing left his job to relocate. He had a great, cushy job at a studio and decided he wanted to be closer to family so he quit without having anything lined up. He had risen in his career to the mid-level management and has almost been doing his job for 10 years at other well-known companies. His hometown doesn't have an entertainment industry or anything near it although he lives in a major city. As he's been interviewing everyone would ask him the same questions. Did he know about PNL and if he had a MBA. It got to the point where he realized he had no "real world business skills" that were universal to all businesses. His entire career was in entertainment and what he did there was less about money compared to most people in his role at other comparable non-entertainment companies. He got to the point where he decided he had to go back to school.

2) Another friend of mine worked in accounting and collections in the entertainment industry. Before she got too comfortable and old, she thought she needed to leave entertainment and learn what else was out there. She's been working in sales and her business has soared where she gained a lot of valuable skills as Project Manager and overseeing people, working with clients directly, selling them her creative ideas through pitch meetings, and learning how to use programs like Illustrator which she never had exposure to, among numerous others. She likened her Hollywood career to the fun General Ed classes in college that dodn't really prepare you for anything, but were fun and challenging nonetheless.

3) As I'm interviewing around town, I've noticed a lot of roles require expert-level usage of software programs that me or my supervisors never had to use - Quickbooks, Powerpoint, and Excel or bookkeeping, accounting, and sales-related skills. We know how to use the programs on a basic level for expense reports, but the nature of a high-level executive assistant isn't to create decks or spreadsheets or to sell a product. Our bosses are the buyers so they listen to the presentations or on the rare chance that a presentation needs to be made, the CEO approves whatever his Director or executive put together. Our bosses buy films, tv shows, and ideas. Even my role with executive producers - most people would think I have experience with script coverage, notes, or development. However, my EP's were truly focused on E part, overseeing the P part from our CE's. My career is in a niche within a niche. I oversee my CEO's time and update him on the status of projects he inquires about. I'm don't so much as deliver tangible items like memos, reports, and data. I more or less work with the intangible things like managing his time, schedule, and delivering on his requests by carrying out actions he can't. I'm more of a project manager, point person, gate keeper, office manager, problem-solver, and overall go-to person. I am truly his right (and left) hand!

A majority of the positions don't have a straight career path or training program which means it's a little bit more difficult to transfer and explain your job to non-Hollywood people and how it would compare to a role they are trying to fill. Being a location manager, a producer, a celebrity personal assistant doesn't have a uniform job description and skill set. These jobs are very soft skill based whereas most non-Hollywood careers rely upon what you really studied in college. Being in the entertainment industry teaches one how to manage crises, solve complex problems, and work with people from all backgrounds in the most varied situations and locations . As they say, the only thing you need to survive is sheer determination and will. But how can I put that on my resume?

Writer's Block

2009-09-16T16:25:00.000-07:00

It's already 425pm and I couldn't really think of anything to write. I'm looking forward to Monday. I have something after work. One of my newest recruiters called some of my references and was really pleased. I am pretty happy he's my recruiter; he's very good at personalized attention and tailoring comments to me specifically. I have a busy week ahead of me as usual. Sometimes, despite a busy day, there's not much to share, or knowledge to impart, or a lesson to be learned. I won't fret my blog today will be very short. But I did want to write to make the effort. Instead, I'll end with a quote...

"For learning to take place with any kind of efficiency students must be motivated. To be motivated, they must become interested. And they become interested when they are actively working on projects which they can relate to their values and goals in life."

- Gus Tuberville, President, William Penn College

Indoor Rock Climbing Helps My Career

2009-09-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me well knows I hate taking risks, unless they are very very calculated. I also am not very daring when it comes to sports and hobbies. Oddly, I've always wanted to try indoor rock climbing and finally did last December. It was such a thrill and quite cerebral too.

I didn't really know what to expect and figured I'd either totally love it or totally hate it. I don't have a great fear of heights so I wasn't too concerned about that. I'm pretty petite so I was more concerned about the strength I may not have for it. I think more than anything was any embarrassment I might have in not doing well since it was a group of six and I knew one person only slightly. For those of you that have never done indoor rock climbing, the surprising element to me was how strategic and emotionally, psychologically, and physically challenging it was.

When I first tried it in December, I chose not to go first because I wanted to see other people go to get a better idea of what to expect. When it was my turn and I started to climb, I was surprised at how much I needed to plan my next move. I do this in my job every day and it's one of the elements I love including the problem-solving aspects. Except with rock climbing, my face is only a few inches from the wall and I can't get an objective of where all the rocks are because my vision is so limited. So as I'm hanging on the wall for dear life, I realize for me to use my legs to push me upward I need a rock to stabilize each of my hands. So I know where I want to place my first leg, but I either can't stretch my arm far enough to reach the next rock or I can't see anything because I'm too close to the wall. Sometimes I'll alter where I think my foot should go and I try to reach for a different rock as a Plan B to find it's too small to grasp, or too oddly-shaped to hold onto, or it leads me to a path that has less rocks further along the wall that it's not good to take. And as I scale the wall, I have to make sure I have a rock for each of my four limbs and I have constantly assess my next move and test out rocks as I go.

Quick thinking, short-term, and long-term outlooks, and pacing are essential. However, the longer I take to think through a decision and pick a rock, the more tired I get. And if I don't choose the right rock, I risk swinging wildly from my rope as the entire indoor gym looks on. LOL And so I have pace myself - mentally, emotionally, and physically so I can get in a good climb. There are so many things to think of and keep track of which makes it so fun and challenging. More than anything, rock climbing is a feat of inner power because for first-timers like me, you get to a point where you want to give up.

I just went climbing again this past weekend for the second time. And I had all the same reactions I did the first time. Am I still strong enough to do it? Will I be just as scared? Yes and yes. For me, I've realized I get scared at the same times. It happens when I become too tired and physically exhaust myself from hanging on some rocks and I can't reach my next rock because I'm much shorter than the average person at 5ft tall. It also happens on my first climb of the day when I realize I've scaled more than half the wall and if I freak out mentally at how high I am and for 5 secs I envision I could fall, even though I'm in a harness and safety straps with the best instructor and spotter behind me. I think that's more biological where I fear heights and death. But I remind myself if it was too risky, I wouldn't have willingly chosen to be 2 stories off the ground. So I take a deep breath, calm myself, and my fear goes away.

Inevitably, I'll just get stuck where I can't see any options and I have to yell to my team mates below to help me. They'll point out rocks near my knees or my torso that are hidden from view that I can try. They will yell out strategies on where to place my hands or to grip a rock a certain way or sometimes even with both hands. They will even yell words of encouragement or praise after a difficult maneuver. Except as they're yelling you have to process their verbal commands into action and translating all their yelling in your mind to see visually what they want you to do is added work and stress.

And last, the fear still comes when I've reached the top of the wall and I have to rappel down. Rappelling down is hard because your first instinct is to climb down the wall but you realize it doesn't work. So having to relax your body and only hold onto the rope and jump out and away from the wall all the way down when you can't see behind you and below you as you descend is scary.

By my second climb this past weekend, I was fine. I actually did 5 climbs and some of them were really tricky. I'm glad I didn't get bent out of shape or get caught up in any emotions. I treated each climb as its own beast and had an open attitude full of anticipation each time.

Rock climbing provides a good challenge and stress that I'm not getting at a lot of my temp gigs. It tests me and my stamina to put myself in difficult situations where I don't know the clear cut answer and I have to trust I'll get out of it. I have to push myself to get through the climb and reach the top. And once I come down I have to go back and do it again a couple more times on different paths. It teaches me teamwork and trusting my spotter. And that even when I'm sitting and watching others climb, I should observe their technique, which paths they took, and how we all encourage them to do their best and provide suggestions. Rock climbing makes me a stronger person and gives me a sense of empowerment and accomplishment at the day's end even if I had to get help from friends. I tried, gave it my best, and made it through another exhausting day with my joy of rock climbing still enact. I look forward to my next excursion whenever it may be.

3 Signs of Good Corporate Culture

2009-09-14T14:36:00.000-07:00

I've been extremely fortunate in all of my jobs in my career. I have worked for the most down-to-earth, egoless, kind people. In my industry, this seems like an exception to the rule, although good business sense dictates this is how supervisors and colleagues should be for the best work environment and professional relationships.

It's very hard to read the corporate culture of a company unless you're already working there and have been there for awhile. I always believed one year at a company will give you a full picture since you're able to observe when the company experiences down time in the summer or has insane deadlines during periods of peak productivity. Only time will tell is the correct adage in this case.

I have noticed three criteria of a good company during my years as a staff member and freelancer/contractor before getting hire, while working there, and upon finishing a contract job.

1) Good companies ask you to meet with as many people as possible during the interview process.

I've had a few interviews where not only did I meet with 3-4 people from HR, but also met with 4-5 colleagues. For each of those groups, I interviewed with people of all levels of seniority from my peers to the the most senior executive. Sometimes I'll meet each person individually or have group interview sessions where I have to field questions from a couple people.

I've always noticed that the best teams and companies do this because they have such a positive and encouraging work environment with very good work chemistry that they are always cautious who to admit in case it ruins the group dynamic. It's also a good way to see how applicants can interact in group settings or one-on-one. Sometimes, if you meet with people on an individual basis, the last person will most often tell you that it's just a mere formality to meet because everyone else already gave the thumbs up. I've also heard of companies making an entire day of interviewing you by having you meet people one-on-one with a group lunch, then the tour of the grounds and meeting a couple more people before they wrap up the day.

2) Good companies will offer to give you an annual review even if you're a contract worker with a very short contract.

When I was first asked if I wanted one, I said yes immediately even though I wasn't sure what there would be to discuss seeing how new I was to the company. However, I agreed to it as a way to open the doors of communication and to set a precedence in case I ended up being there longer or was given another contract with them in the future. It never hurts to sit down with people and do a status update. At the very least, I would get to know my boss more and vice versa. At the very best, we could discuss better working strategies or bounce around suggestions for the next time they would need to hire someone by getting my opinion of being an outsider.

(On a related note, I did learn outsiders can have an advantage. I've interviewed for jobs where they specifically wanted someone qualified, but not from within the company to bring in new ideas, suggestions, and provide a objective eye on the company and its innerworkings to enhance any possible outdated ways of conducting business.)

3) Good companies hire people that are gracious, helpful, and happy.

Whenever I finish a job, I send out thank you cards to everyone I've met and interacted with. I've written up to 300 cards by hand for a single position on more than one occassion. The interesting thing is noting between the different companies I've worked at, how many people either tell me they got the card and really liked it and ask to keep in touch or if they even say anything at all. I've worked at places where maybe 10% say something and I've worked at places where 30% of the people follow up with me and acknowledge my thank you card. Even more surprising are the people who on their own accord offer to pass on my resume to others and to help me out. I've even been on job interviews where I wasn't the right fit, but they would connect me with their friends at other companies that might have something for me.

While I understand most people are very busy, I do think it speaks well for the companies where 30% of them let me know they got my card and really appreciated it. It was very kind of them to take the 30 secs to email me and say thank you back. It's the little things that matter!

As I job hunt for the RIGHT position, I'm always curious how I can make sure I end up at another company where the people are happy, positive, and fun to work with. Please share!

My Reflections of 9/11

2009-09-11T15:07:00.000-07:00

The year 9/11 happened, I was actually living in New York for the summer. I won a prestigious fellowship with the International Radio & Television Society. I say won because it really was like winning the lottery. Every year 35 college students are picked from across the nation. Hundreds apply for a chance at living rent-free in New York, getting an entertainment internship, a paycheck, access to network with all the big wigs in the city, expenses-paid dinners, concerts, and activities, and the chance to be groomed through what I call entertainment boot camp. The process was long and arduous. You had to apply a year in advance, fill out a 20-page questionnaire, write a personal essay, and pass 2 phone interviews. I later found out the year I applied over 1000 people applied. I was one of the lucky few to be chosen and only the 2nd or 3rd to attend from my university since its inception.

Luckily for me, the duration of the fellowship was only June through August. I left about 2 weeks before 9/11 hit although others chose to stay behind. Although New York wasn't the place for me to settle down, I did enjoy the city and living there. Who could argue with living 30 floors off the ground in the NYU Water Street dorms across from South Street Seaport at the end of the hall with the view of the bridges and the water? The view was magnificent, the dorms were nice, and most of all, it was completely free to me and I was getting paid to be in New York to learn!

From my time there, I made friends and one of them was a NYC EMT. We were the same age and had become good friends. The morning of 9/11 I was back in California and was up very early in the morning for some reason. It's really strange that I just decided to wake up as I'm a night person and only wake up when I have to. That day, I had no reason to be up, especially that early. And I turn on the TV and watch the horrific scenes unfold. So I call my friend and he's actually making his way down there. I'm worried about him, about the people I know in NYC, and I feel so helpless. The traffic was so bad it took hours for him to arrive so he didn't witness the early stages of it and only the aftermath.

The news coverage, even online, was obviously extensive and I'll always remember a photo of a Mrs. Field's store front that had people running for their lives. There was chaos, dust, debris, and fear written on their faces. And when I saw that picture I recognized immediately that it was the one right near where I lived and where we hung out. And how just a few weeks prior to that photo being taken, I was there on that street, in that neighborhood and how we always looked up to the Twin Towers to find our way back home on our many walking tours of NYC instead of taking a cab home.

I haven't been back to NYC since. I still know people there and they always ask me to come visit, but a part of me is scared to see and experience directly the enormity of the situation and the loss of my glorious, innocent experience living in NYC. I have so much joy and gratefulness about my experience there that to see Ground Zero would tarnish my image of New York in my mind's eye and color it with depressing hues.

My IRTS Fellowship prepared me for post-grad life, my career, and adulthood and was the first of many amazing experiences to come. It's been 8 years already and right or wrong, I don't know if I'll ever go back... I just have no desire.

Insights From A Recruiting Perspective

2009-09-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

I've held a handful of positions relating to recruiting applicants, talent acquisition, or interacting with HR personnel and senior HR executives. I thought I'd share some insights from my various experiences about working from the inside.

1) We love applicants who only follow up once via email.

Sadly, the most difficult aspect of being in recruiting is how little we are allowed to say because we don't have specific time lines or information. The hiring process can be very lengthy, iffy, and constantly changes. There are weeks where we are waiting to see how the work flow will end up that affects the number of people we hire. Most often, when we don't get back to people it's because we don't have any new information to give you to elevate you to the next process or you are not our highest candidate. I know it's frustrating to try to figure out which category you are in. And the truth is, you will most likely never know. The only definite rule is the more you bug HR with incessant follow up, the more we think you're annoying, don't respect the hiring process, and how you don't realize that sometimes hiring people can take a really long time. Do know that good HR recruiters will tell you when you are no longer in the running. If HR really likes you, they will place you in their talent pipeline and strongly encourage you to keep in touch with them should something else open up. Send us your newest resume, reel, or check in once every couple of months to be on our radar. One thing I know for sure from being in recruiting and being a job hunter - if we really want you we'll go to extreme lengths to find your newest contact information or we will try to recruit you away from your current job.

2) The little details really do matter.

If you're late, we raise our eyebrow. If your resume and cover letter are riddled we typos we question your attention to detail. If you're uncomfortable making small talk, we wonder if you can interact with clients well or will be fun to work with every day. However, HR can also be very humane and forgiving. We've hired people who were 20 minutes late to an interview that was only 30 min. And all we gave them were 10 min so they had to make the best of it. We know LA traffic is horrendous and sometimes it really can't be avoided. We've hired people even though they answered all the questions correctly and were skilled, but didn't seem energized or excited. We chalked it up to a bad day and an isolated incident. Do your very best and present yourself well, but be hopeful that a slip up isn't an automatic end-of-the-world scenario.

3) When we contact you, get back to us as soon as you can.

When we schedule interviews, numerous people are involved. Sometimes we ask you to meet with as many as 6 people at once, whether in a group or individually. We might offer to fly you in so we have to get approval from our executives and work with our travel agent. Or the sheer number of people we need to interview means we need to reach out to 7 people for one job. Chances are, we reach out to our top candidates first and treat them as a priority. So the sooner you call us back, the better choices you will have in interview times and the further along we can move you in the interview process at a faster rate. It works best if you respond to us in the manner we asked. If we asked you to email us, please email us. It helps because we now have a paper trail so it's easier to keep tabs on the 7 candidates we are interviewing for this one job. Often we are filling multiple jobs. If we call you and ask you to call us back, do that. It often means it's time sensitive so we need to touch base, explain details, and properly screen you that makes emailing a less productive form of communication. Good signs are if HR calls your house, cell, and emails you. We are trying to reach you quickly! We don't mean to be annoying! Responding to us as soon as your schedule allows lets us know you are responsive and good with follow through.

4) Show up early, not on time.

We love applicants who show up 15 minutes early. If you're not there by then, we now start worrying if you will be late or not show up at all. So then we have to look for your cell number and wonder if we should call you to find out if you're lost and your ETA. We have think about pushing the meetings after you and how much our schedule will be thrown off. When you show up 15 minutes early, you also give us the mental reminder to prepare for your interview to make the best of it. If you show up too early, the hostess in us worries you'll be bored or we wonder if you didn't have anywhere else important to be prior to seeing us. Showing up early will also give you time to use the restroom, find parking, do a last minute prep or take in our corporate culture by observing people coming in and out of our lobby or reading whatever magazines and books we have available.

5) Sometimes you are very qualified, but you're not the right fit.

This means various different things - you have too much experience, will your personality gel with our team, or do your short term and long term goals fit with our company's needs. This is a very difficult thing to learn or overcome because most often HR doesn't have the time to explain this to you or believe it is something you should be asked to "fix." If HR doesn't choose you, know it's for the best as you want a company that will look out for your needs as well as theirs.

Keep in mind the upside of a job hunt is searching for the best relationships with a company. It starts with HR who is your mediator between the company and your boss/team. It includes the relationships you have with your peers, co-workers, and your supervisors. What you should be looking for are the mutually-beneficial positions so everyone wins!

Answering Reader Mail: Finding Temp Agencies in Los Angeles

2009-09-09T14:19:00.000-07:00

JH recently wrote me and asked the following question, "With so many temp agencies out there, I don't know which is/isn't good. I was wondering if you could give me the name of the temp agency you worked with. Thanks so much in advance!"

Dear JH,

Thank you for reading my blog! You ask a very good question and I'm so glad you are being proactive with your job hunt and career.

A lot of people ask me this question and this is what I tell everyone. The best strategy is to sign up with every single temp agency in town. When I started out, no one really had a website/blog/Twitter/Facebook/MySpace so I just opened up the YellowPages and called every single one. Lucky for you, there's Google!

You'll find that every major movie studio, tv network, or entertainment company usually has their own in-house temping agency. If a company you want to temp at isn't a huge company, you'll find that there are a handful of temp agencies that stand alone that cater to the remaining companies such as the agencies or production companies. Some good places to start are the Comar Agency, Friedman Agency, and The Grapevine to name a few. You'll also find that there are temp agencies that cater only to the legal field or accounting, but have 2-3 entertainment clients on the off-chance. Don't forget to reach out to those companies too!

Once you find out their email or fax number, they will ask you to submit your cover letter and resume. If they think they can find work for you, they will bring you in. It will take an hour or two to take typing, Word, Excel, and PowerPoint tests. They may ask you to take tests for Outlook, 10-key, or grammar/writing as well. You'll also meet with a recruiter/agent for an interivew portion to discuss your background and what you're looking for. Some agencies will completely reformat your resume (with your final approval for accuracy) for you to their style/liking or will ask you to revise your resume to their standards. Sometimes it will take a week or two to be called in for an interview/testing appointment. You may also have to pay for your own 1-2 hour parking while you are meeting with these agencies because they don't offer validated parking. They will ask you what other temp agencies you are working through, what other jobs you recently applied to, and how much you make to make sure no one's time is wasted and to prevent from you being submitted to the same job 3 times.

You'll find some temp agencies are very elite in who they will allow to work for them. It's rumored that some places won't take anyone green at all. The very good temp agencies will call you for work every morning instead of making you call them. Good temp agencies will also keep in mind what your career goals are and what you want. (I was once offered a job. However, the catch was, I had to accept it on the spot without an interview, without meeting any co-workers, or knowing anything about the job. All I knew was the department and my job title. I said no. It didn't sit well with me that the usual interview process wasn't in place.)

Other things to keep in mind... It's best to choose temp agencies that are near your house. Very often, you'll get a call at 8am saying they need you to start at 9am. They are less likely to pick you for a Valley assignment if you live on the Westside, if at all. Take every assignment offered to gain exposure so they get used to working with you regardless of the field (tv, film, radio, internet, PR, talent management, music). Your goal when temping isn't a full-time job, but to first prove you are a good worker, get more assignments, get better assignments, and become the top candidate on their list once openings arise. It's also your chance to see if you like the company, the corporate culture, and if it's the right fit. Be prepared for very slow days. Whatever task they assign you, do it correctly, quickly, and happily. Prove you are good at the mundane boring stuff so they will think about giving you juicier tasks. And realize sometimes there isn't a lot to do but answer the phone and take messages.

All the typical rules apply when on a temp assignment that apply to a full-time job. Don't be late, call in sick appropriately (but bring in a doctor's note so they don't think you are interviewing), dress business casual or for the office you work in, don't see your temp job as a place to schmooze, network, or sell your screenplay/etc. You get the picture.

Here are some ways to stand out above the rest aside from a very-well written cover letter and resume. If you have written letters of recommendation give the temp agency copies. Also, spruce up your LinkedIn profile and have a lot recommendations there with 360 views. Sign up with Brazen Careerist and start a blog (see mine and link to me) so you have a web presence. 99% of temp jobs are for assistant, PA, or similar type positions. Make sure your resume reflects those necessary skills, even if when you did it was at an internship. (My resume when I started out had both college and high school internships so that I could utilize the full page. Some might question the high school portion but it was very relevant - I was a journalist and on-air so I had reels and writing samples if requested. All of my previous work experience was in the field of education so it was listed, but not emphasized.)

Right now there might be fewer temping assignments, but the majority of job openings I've seen in the entertainment industry are for people just out of college. They are all entry-level so things are on your side, JH! Feel free to ask more questions and I hope to read about your journey through a Brazen Careerist blog.

Best,
Kiyomi :)

How I Broke The #1 Rule As A Temp & Lived To Tell It

2009-09-08T14:24:00.000-07:00

A great way to get your foot in the door with a company is to be a temporary assistant. You fill in for people if they are sick, on vacation, or on maternity leave. The assignments can last for a day or two to even a couple of months. The best part is, there are a ton of temp agencies and anyone can apply. I had zero connections in Hollywood, so this is how I got my start.

The #1 rule of temping is you're not supposed to ask for jobs or try to get employment on your own to honor the relationship and introduction your agent forged with the company you're at. Your agent is supposed to be the go-between should a company want to hire you so they can collect a fee for "discovering" and "delivering" you to said company. This is how they make their money. Temp agencies help companies find temporary talent, do all the legwork, take care of the screening process, and issue the paychecks. And usually a company that has worked with the same temp repeatedly will want to hire them permanently.

Straight out of college, I joined the temp pool while I was job hunting. I got assigned to the desk of a VP while someone was out on maternity leave. One day, I noticed one of my co-workers bringing in a lot of people. I wasn't that close to her so I didn't know why. After a couple of days, I kept noticing she was still walking people through. I eventually got up the nerve to ask her who all these people were and she mentioned she was leaving the company and needed to find a replacement.

At that point, I had seen her bring in at least 5-7 people and figured they weren't finding the right person. I mentioned I'd love to be considered as I was temping and the regular assistant would return. My co-worker was extremely apologetic and said she would have totally considered me, but she thought I was already an employee and not a temp.

So with her help, she submitted me and had my temp agency contacted to say I was being considered. I did get hired and it all worked out in the end. I thought I'd get in trouble for what I did, but it turns out everyone was really happy and pleased!

I worked for the Chairman/CEO and finding someone to replace me to work for a VP wasn't hard at all. Because I had been at the company for awhile, I had already worked with the people who were my new bosses so it was a really smooth transition. Me speaking up saved them from a longer, more difficult search.

Before you break the rules, you should understand them and why they are in place. The goal is to act in a MUTUALLY-BENEFICIAL manner so everyone wins. Work the situation in your favor as delicately as possible without pissing anyone off in the process.

The Difficulties of Blogging Daily & Networking

2009-09-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

As you know, I'm new to the blogging world. Penelope wasn't lying when she said the biggest challenge is to have something great to write every single day. I've only been doing this for 2 weeks and I'm fast running out of ideas on what to write about.

Although I love my life, I don't think something special happens every day. Mix in the fact that I'm slightly annoyed at life that I don't want to write about anything I'm annoyed about cause I'll completely forget why I was annoyed in about 3 days! LOL So why record inconsequential details? What's surprising is nothing ever annoys me and for the past week little things have been getting on my nerves. It will be some minute incident in the day and the very next day something else will happen that I've realized I've never been this annoyed in I can't remember when!

When I'm annoyed, I don't feel like blogging so instead of writing first thing in the morning, I wait a couple of hours. I'm forcing myself to write today because if I skip one day, I'll just keep skipping days. How does everyone else stay creative and motivated? I'm the first to admit I'm not creative at all, nor does my work really require me to be.

Ryan of BC commented on my post "Is There A Profession That Doesn't Need A Blog?" He said I shouldn't so much as see it as HAVING to write a blog, but is there anyone that can't afford NOT to network? I thought it was a better perspective. Ryan also said farming blogs are even starting to pop up. So I TRY very hard to write on my blog M-F to connect with others and learn from them. I did also go to a networking event last night.

I have mixed feelings about them, but I do think it's fun to be out of the house. I view it more as a chance to run into people who run in other circles but we find ourselves at all the same events so it's nice to catch up. It's also neat to make new friends if you hit it off with someone.

I'm much better at meeting new people alone since I'm forced to reach out to strangers instead of talking to the friend I went with. It's also too hard to carry a group conversation with 3 others and try to get to know them a little better.

All was not lost last night. I ran into two old contacts and it was so nice to see them. And I met 4-5 new people. After about an hour though, I headed out with my friend. I can't circle the room for much longer than that usually! LOL

Are there new bloggers out there like me who are hitting a wall so quickly as well?

Only 3 Things Are Needed To Be Happy / DJ AM

2009-09-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

Whenever you are in a funk and aren't sure what to do to pull yourself out of it, focus on three specific areas that will truly make a difference in your life. Gordon Livingston, M.D., speaks from lot of experience - both personally and professionally. He's one of my favorite authors.

Gordon says you only need three things to be happy.

1) Someone to love
2) Something to do
3) Something to look forward to

I'm not sure if he purposefully wrote someone to love first. I'd like to think he did. Relationships are the pillar of our existence. This can mean many things aside from romantic love.

Something to do covers work and hobbies and having a purpose in our life - being useful, productive and contributing to the world.

Something to look forward is essential to keep your eye on the future. It's probably easiest to start here. Plan a coffee date with friends or even just a visit to your local park to play on the swings. No one can be unhappy on a swing!

I started pondering all of this with the loss of DJ AM (Adam Goldstein). I admit I've never been to any of his parties or heard his mixing, but just being in Hollywood, it's always sad to lose someone so young in a tragic way. Upon his death I started reading more about him. He was very well-respected in the industry, not just as a DJ, but a human being too. In one of his interviews, he said something that I thought we could all benefit from that relates to being and staying happy. And notice he started with very small steps through his journey of addiction, 11 years of sobriety, and turning his life around to find joy in everyday life.

"In my recovery meetings, I was told the solution for low self-esteem was to do estimable acts. Whether it was letting someone over in traffic; calling a friend and saying, “How are you doing today?”; or something more serious, like feeding the homeless at a shelter, I made sure to do one selfless act per day. Then I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about it. Little by little, I gained confidence in myself. I no longer needed a trophy girlfriend or drugs to feel good about myself."

I found two things remarkable with what DJ AM said. First, the act of doing one selfless deed a day without telling anyone is truly a sign of being selfless. Usually doing the selfless deed is rewarded with the admiration people bestow upon you when they hear of the good deed. In this case, doing the selfless act is the main focus, not the praise given.

Second, when he was down he usually focused on external objects to make himself happy which is what most people do. However, he learned when you are down, it's a more meaningful way to bring happiness to your own life by sharing a happy and giving moment with someone else. It's about the experience and its interactions of life that bring happiness, not the acquiring of objects.

Do one small thing every day and build upon it. Build relationships, start new ones, and seek out meaningful exchanges. And that's the key - look outward in your time of need and be a friend to someone else. You'll find that it will come back full circle before you know it.

The True Meaning Of Being In Control

2009-09-02T09:49:00.000-07:00

I assume most people on the Brazen Careerist network are go-getters, initiators, and passionate about their career and going after what they want much like myself. From a young age, I've been working and have sought out opportunities to learn and grow. It was always instilled in me that through hard work and sheer persistence, I could get what I wanted. It's what I was told and it's what I was rewarded out in the real world time and time again.

The difficulty arises when what you've been doing all your life no longer starts working through no fault of your own. For example, getting laid off due to a world wide economic crisis. You beat out all the other candidates to get your job, you work hard with rave reviews, and your position is eliminated in the end. The formula has always been motivated action equals great results equals having control of my life and destiny. Until it just no longer is...

Toward the end of college I started to realize that things didn't always go according to plan even though I planned, prepared, and carried out all the right steps. The world is not my oyster and that was an eye opener for me. It was frustrating because I didn't know what else I could do. I felt at the mercy and whim of the world or other people around me. And after I graduated from college of course it only got worse. Welcome to the real world! It's called life! ;)

It took me a long time to realize that the only way to remain in control was to actually give up the idea that I was in control in the first place. It's important to do all the right things anyway, but I had to shift my thinking from expecting formulaic results from my actions. Instead, I view it more as creating my own luck. I may not see the results immediately, but on a whole, things will add up in the end. The more control you give up, ironically, the more control you actually have and the more you are in control. It's about being able to account for and deal with the unexpected that will arise. That is the true meaning of being in control - being okay with knowing you really don't have any at all.

The only thing a person really has control over are their own actions, thoughts, behaviors, and reactions. But that's really all you need to navigate this world. No matter how difficult the turmoil, you can always view it and deal with it in a positive, healthy, and enriching manner. Find a way to learn something and become a better person in all your trials and tribulations. What else do you have to lose?

Often The Why Of Something Is Irrelevant

2009-09-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

Since the economy crashed and thousands have become unemployed, many might have questioned, "why me?!" even though they were dedicated, hard workers. The fact that job stability doesn't exist and lay offs seem inevitable or random can be very disconcerting. Most become mired in the whys and how could this have happened to me cycle.

Fortunately or unfortunately, almost every single company that I've ever worked at has either been bought out or merged. Luckily, I was unaffected most of the time, but the sense of doom and low morale in the company always prevailed. Before I even graduated college, the idea of zero job stability was already on my horizon.

With life and with employment, dissecting the why of something and often, how to revert it back to how things were before is usually futile. In many cases, you were the last person to know of whatever bad news was finally delivered - the layoff, the heartbreak, or whatever your current crisis is. Think about it - before anyone is laid off - the immediate supervisor knows, the boss knows, the dept head knows, HR knows, and so does the head of the company. In a break up, the significant other knows and at least their best friend because they discussed it at length, perhaps even parents know. The best way to move on is to not ask "why," but to ask, "what now?"

People focus on the why thinking they can do something different or go back and change people's minds or somehow argue a point they think no one thought of before. In reality, even if they didn't think of your brilliant plan B or suggestion, the chance of you getting a forum to present your idea is also probably non-existent. Everyone, but you, got together to discuss it from all angles and it was decided the best solution for everyone involved, including you, would be X. When two parties are involved, if one party wants out, regardless of the reason, the partnership no longer works and is already over. It could be for a benign or malicious reason, but the bottom line is if one party has moved on, so should the one left behind.

The goal in any crisis should be to move on and plan your next step. If you can show that you dealt with the bad news pretty well, at least you increase chances of being able to work with a company again or be on friendly terms with anyone you parted ways, once the timing becomes mutually-beneficial for everyone involved.

It's hard to go through life knowing sometimes your ideas, thoughts, and existence don't have an impact - that what you say, do, or think has no bearing on someone else. But, there will always be someone out there who needs your skills and intelligence. It's now your mission to find them and concoct a plan of action.